Barbara Traynor

Barbara Traynor, author of Second Career Volunteer:  A Passionate & Pennywise Approach to Retirement, spends six months of every year volunteering at an organization of her choice in exchange for room and board.  

One year she worked at a small college in Alaska.  (See photo, above, of Barbara kayaking with some new friends in her free time.)  Another year she worked at a wildlife refuge in Florida.  This year she’ll be volunteering at Russell Cave National Monument in Alabama. 

Not bad for a woman in her 70s who depends on Social Security for her entire income and never thought she’d be able to retire, let alone travel all around the United States.

 This week I interviewed Barbara on “Ageless” and hosted her for the night at my place.  After she went to bed, I read her entire book from cover to cover.  It’s filled with inspiring stories of other volunteer careerists and a wealth of resources for anyone interested in exploring this lifestyle.  

Although the book is geared to retirees living on a fixed income, the financial crisis has made its content relevant to a much broader swath of people—recent college grads who can’t land a job, midcareer professionals who’ve been laid off, even affluent retirees who’ve grown weary of playing golf and want to give back.  

As Barbara herself says, “My volunteer lifestyle enables me to live within my limited…income without effort, travel to places only dreamed of, and network with an incredible group of people.  It does not get better than that!"

The Force of Habit

Even though personality stabilizes by 20 and is virtually solidified by 50, this doesn't mean that all opportunity for growth stops in midlife. No matter what your age, it's still possible to change some of those habits that are holding you back from fulfilling your dreams.

In a new book titled Making Sense of People:  Decoding the Mysteries of Personality, leading neuroscientist Samuel Barondes cites the example of Benjamin Franklin. 

From his early twenties until he died at 85, Franklin worked to "guard...against the unremitting attraction of ancient habits and the force of perpetual temptations."

The Elevator Speech

Madison Avenue types know that an elevator speech—a snappy description of a product or service presented in the time span of an elevator ride— can help seal the deal if you’re pitching something.  But did you know that crafting an elevator speech can also help you clarify your goals?

Being able to quickly and succinctly sum up what you’re doing in a way that excites others can be a fundamental step on the road to achieving your dreams.  To begin, you only need three essential elements:

The Guilt Trap

I guilt easily.  Or at least I used to.  Like many women, I reproached myself for not being the mother, daughter, friend, teacher, writer, and coworker I thought I should be.  I’d beat myself up for exercising too little and snacking too much, for being too organized—yup, I’m serious—and not productive enough.  Oh and I even felt guilty about genocide and world hunger, things over which I obviously have no control.

When I say "like many women," what I really mean is most.  A recent survey by Stylist magazine found that more than 96 percent of us feel guilty at least once a day.  As Erica Jong once famously said: “Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man.”

Some of this can be attributed to wiring.  According to researchers, women are generally more empathic than men.  But some of this also comes down to women’s generalized lack of self-worth, reinforced over the millennia by cultural and religious tenets.  We’ve been taught from an early age to be “good” and that being good means putting others first.  When we don’t, we quickly feel bad.

Whatever the cause of my guilt, I realized somewhere along the line that I was wasting a lot of precious energy on it, energy that once freed up, could be used in more fruitful ways.  I also realized that if I didn’t value myself, others wouldn’t either.

So how did I get out of the guilt trap?  Believe me, it’s on ongoing process, but basically…

The Big Shift

If you’re a boomer contemplating a life change, Marc Freedman’s newest book The Big Shift:  Navigating the New Stage Beyond Midlife is a must-read.  Not only is the writing unusually clear and compelling for this genre but Freedman presents a provocative idea.  As the press release I received with my review copy states:

Freedman's book is an impassioned call for breaking free from old habits like clinging to lost youth ("60 is the new 40"), or prematurely aging people long before their time (senior discounts at 50 or 60).  It's time to accept the decades opening up between midlife and anything approximating old age for what they really are, Freedman says--an entirely new stage of life.

A boomer himself and the father of two toddlers (yes, you read that right), Freedman isn't just spewing hot air.  As the founder of Civic Ventures, cofounder of both The Purpose Prize and Experience Corps, and author of several other books including Encore:  Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life, Freedman is a towering expert in the field of midlife transition.  The New York Times calls him "the voice [emphasis mine]of aging baby boomers who are eschewing retirement for meaningful and sustaining work later in life.”  

This book shows why Freedman deserves this kind of praise.

The Longevity Project

Taking it easy can subtract years from your life.

That’s just one of the surprising conclusions reached by health scientists Howard S. Friedman and Leslie R. Martin, authors of The Longevity Project.  What’s even more surprising is that having a sustained work life correlates with living longer, even if the work you do is stressful.

Here's a short video of the authors explaining the scope of the Project: 

The book is filled with lots of other interesting, counter-intuitive tidbits about what sorts of behaviors increase longevity and it's well worth a read.

Still, the authors’ findings about work disturbed me.  I’m all for staying active and remaining on the job if your work gives you pleasure and a sense of purpose.  But I worry that books like this one and, dare I say, Defying Gravity, have the unintended effect of making people feel guilty about wanting to slow down and enjoy the fruits of their labor.

Besides, when did a long life become a goal in itself?

I don’t particularly care how old I am when I die.  What I care about is trying to make the world a better place and enjoying myself while I’m at it.  

What about you?

The 29-Day Giving Challenge

Pain, whether physical or emotional, is one of those things that either brings out the best in us or beats us to pulp.  Some people turn to religion. Others immerse themselves in activity. Still others retreat inside.

What most Americans would not do, I venture to say, is consult a South African medicine woman--which is exactly what 36-year old Cami Walker did.

Diagnosed four years ago with multiple sclerosis, Ms. Walker suffered from depression. Her illness was putting a strain on her new marriage. For a time, she even lost the use of her hands and vision in one eye.

That’s when she turned to holistic healer Mbali Creazzo.  “You’ve got to stop focusing on the problem,” Ms. Walker says Creazzo told her. “You’re feeding the disease.”

Creazzo’s prescription? A month of giving. 29 gifts in 29 days.

Book Recommendation

Looking for a great, start-of-the-school-year read?

If you haven’t done so already, pick up a copy of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers: The Story of Success.

Outliers addresses the question: How do people like Bill Gates become so extraordinarily successful? Do they have higher intelligence than the rest of us? More ambition?

Not necessarily, Gladwell says.

Have they put more hours of practice into their respective endeavors?

You bet.

What role does one’s culture, community and family play in fostering success?

More than you might imagine.

Outliers is Gladwell’s most compelling book to date and his conclusions, while surprising, are well-supported. It's worth a read.

Sticking With Your Dreams

Research shows that 80 percent of people who resolve in January to change their behavior have lost heart by Valentine’s Day. By Easter--well, forget it.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Marion Jacobs, author of Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life...One Scene at a Time, part of the problem is that our brains don’t believe we’re serious about changing until they see some proof.

So whether you have a resolution you haven’t kept or a dream you haven’t stuck with, consider the following strategies to give your brain the evidence it needs:

Set small, achievable goals. Perhaps you’ve been wanting to go back to school and earn a degree but keep coming up with excuses. Set a goal of signing up for a single class or one-day workshop. If you enjoy it, chances are you’ll take another. If you don’t, at least you’ll have learned something about yourself. The same strategy applies to all sorts of endeavors. Want to write a memoir, but can't get started? Write a page a day and you'll have 365 by the end of the year.

Lydia Raurell

Last week I heard from a representative of Lydia Raurell, author of A Year of Dancing Dangerously (Overlook 2008). I’m often asked by authors to consider blogging about their books. Sometimes I do; sometimes I don’t. It depends on how strong the connection is between the subject and my defying-gravity theme and whether or not I feel good about implicitly or explicitly endorsing the work.

This one was a no-brainer.

I haven’t read Lydia’s book yet, but I watched the video on her website and was immediately inspired.

For as long as she can remember, Lydia dreamed of becoming a dancer. By the time she was in her mid-fifties, she’d been a mom and a businesswoman and was ready for a new adventure.

No Job? No Prob!

Nicholas Nigro, author of a cheery, new advice book (perhaps too cheery?) titled No Job? No Prob!: How to Pay Your Bills, Feed Your Mind, and Have a Blast When You’re Out of Work (Skyhorse Publishing 2008), offers the following tips for those who suddenly find themselves with time on their hands:

1. Start the day as early as possible--our brains, Nigro argues, tend to be more focused in the morning than in the evening
2. Keep your learning curve perpetually greased--taking classes—either online or in person—might benefit your job search or inspire a future career

Water for Elephants

On vacation last week, I read Sara Gruen’s New York Times bestselling novel Water for Elephants. I was awed by her brilliance--specifically, how she structured the story and all the research she did prior to setting pen to paper. But most of all, I was delighted by her ninety-something-year-old protagonist and his end-of-life career move. Water for Elephants, in other words, is a great read for late bloomers.

P.S. If like millions of Americans you've already read and loved WFE, you'll be interested to know that Gruen is coming out with a book about apes in 2009.

Exercise of the Week: Worry Once and Do It Well

This week's exercise was inspired by an article I read yesterday in the Jobs section of the NY Times. Business writer Phyllis Korki speaks with clinical psychologist Margaret Wehrenberg, author of The Anxious Brain, about how to quell financial anxiety. (Click here to read the full piece.) Wehrenberg's advice to "worry once and do it well" has all sorts of applications to late blooming. Here's a brief snippet of the conversation:

PK: What...can you do to tame anxiety?

MW: If you're going to fret, be systematic about it and get it over with. If you're concerned about your finances, for example, meet with a financial planner and decide what steps to take to protect assets the best you can. If you're worried about losing a job, update your resume and lay all the other initial groundwork for a job search. Then focus on the job you still have; that is something you can control, as opposed to some horrific future scenario that may never occur.... Say to yourself, "Stop. I already worried," then pull yourself back to your work.

So if you're anxious about something this week, at a minimum make a list of practical steps you can take to alleviate the situation. Then, time and energy permitting, start to address them one by one. Easier said than done perhaps, but great advice.

Special Note: Congratulations to Barbara Techel (who frequently comments on this blog). Her book Frankie, the Walk 'N Roll Dog was just named a winner in the Picture Book Non-Fiction softcover category for USA Book News, National Best Book Awards 2008.

Exercise of the Week: Bringing Your Purpose Into View

This exercise comes from the current issue of AARP magazine:

If you’re struggling to bring your purpose into view, Richard Leider, life coach and author of Something to Live For: Finding Your Way in the Second Half of Life (Barrett-Koehler, 2008), suggests making a list of what you consider your gifts, values, and passions, then identifying your top quality in each category. Together, he says, the three can help reveal your calling—a formula he describes as G+V+P=C.

To read the full article ("Find Purpose, Live Longer") click here.

From My Mailbag

Artwork: Kelly Rae Roberts

Here's a sampling of some of the inspiring notes I've recently received:

66-year old Lorraine Conway, a middle school teacher from Newtown, CT, e-mailed to share the news that she's excited to be starting piano lessons this week. Her interest was piqued after reading an article in her local newspaper about a nearby studio that accepts students of all ages. She took lessons once before, but only for two years when her son was in preschool. (He's now 44!) She's always telling her eighth graders to "go for the gusto" and thought she should do the same.

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I also exchanged e-mails with late-blooming artist Kelly Rae Roberts. I had read about her on the decorating blog Decor8 and was drawn to her work. She writes: "I didn't discover that I was an artist until I was in my 30s. . . . Once I made that discovery, I completely changed careers." To read her story and see some of her paintings, visit her website: http://kellyraeroberts.com.

Note: The pictures above show different angles of the cover of Kelly Rae's new book: Taking Flight: Inspiration + Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings, which is currently ranked #665 on Amazon and has a total of 45, 5-star ratings. Sounds like a great read.

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Another Kelly, Kelly Sonora, e-mailed to let me know that she mentioned my blog in an article she'd just published. If you're divorced and looking for some practical help and inspiration to get back on your feet, I recommend taking a moment to check it out: 50 Divorce Blogs to Find Advice and Comfort in Hard Times.

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Heather Summerhayes Cariou, author of the bestselling memoir Sixty-Five Roses, which was released in the U.S. in January of '07, sent me this note a while back:

Dear Prill - Perhaps you'll remember that at Skidmore [where she and I attended an International Women's Writing Guild conference together] I was working on a book about my sister and me. It was published in Canada last year and went on to become a bestseller. The Globe and Mail chose it as one of the Best 100 Books of 2006. For more information on the book. . . visit my website at www.sixtyfiverosesthebook.com. . . . By the way, I'd love to see you back at Skidmore, teaching a workshop this time! - Heather

Note: I've read many memoirs, and Heather's Sixtyfive Roses, along with Jeannette Wall's The Glass Castle, are my two favorites. Both have been optioned as movies.

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72-year old Susan Culp wanted to share the news that she's just published her first book: 50 Frogs, 5 Babes and a Bulldog. "I am finally realizing a dream come true!" she writes. The book is a comedy about five late bloomers looking for men. Culp confesses that it's a fictionalized account of her actual dating experiences via the Internet. To add to the fun, the story also features an English bulldog named Winchester.

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And finally, Barbara Techel, a frequent commenter on this blog, writes:

I bloomed at the age of 41, though really I suppose that's not too late. But for someone who used to be painfully shy, I've made big leaps and bounds in my life. Sharing my story has become my way of giving back in hopes that others can change their lives too. . . . In my heart I wish I could put all the joy I feel in a bottle and give to everyone. But I know that to experience true joy, one must be willing to go get it. . . .

In December 2004 my chocolate lab, Cassie Jo was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Her diagnoses was a pivotal moment in my life. . . . My love for animals runs deep and it's hard to find the words to express how I feel. The realization that Cassie Jo was going to die soon was like hitting a brick wall for me. . . .

To read the rest of Barbara's inspiring story and to access her blog, go to www.joyfulpaws.com/aboutbarb.

Carol Sue Gershman: Late-Blooming Writer

I just spent 16 delightful hours with Carol Sue Gershman, a 72-year old Miami-based writer who recently published her first book: The Jewish Lady, The Black Man, & The Road Trip.

As you probably already realize, Carol Sue is not your average septuagenarian. (Her head shot is an accurate likeness.) She's in amazing shape--notice that I didn't add "for her age"--and fearless when it comes to reaching out to others.

She called me out of the blue a few months ago to ask my advice on how to promote her book. Then she joined Facebook, immediately becoming my oldest Facebook "friend." A few days ago she messaged me again to tell me that she was going to be visiting NYC this week and would like to get together. I suggested she come to Connecticut and spend the night.

After I picked her up at the train station, we shared a wonderful meal at a local restaurant. Then we came back to my house and got down to business. Eager to learn anything I could teach her, she took copious notes as I showed her a few tricks to jazz up her blog and increase traffic.

You know the old saying, "Age is just a number"? In this case, the phrase rings true.

New Blog Feature: My Favorite Reads for Navigating Life Transitions

I’ve added a new feature to my sidebar, a Shelfari widget that allows me to spotlight books that visitors to this blog might enjoy. This month I’ve put on the shelf Rosamund and Benjamin Zander’s The Art of Possibility.

One of the most electrifying and insightful self-help books I've ever read, The Art of Possibility interweaves personal anecdotes, uplifting stories, and practical strategies for transforming professional and personal life. The photo at left gives you a hint of the Zanders' joyful energy and extraordinary partnership. In their Coda (as the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, Benjamin naturally uses musical terminology throughout the book), the two underscore their theme:

You may have come to this book looking for solutions to some very real problems, or you may have opened it as an idle traveler passing through. Before long you must have realized that the book had no intention of solving your problems, or even of letting you browse. It was interested in providing you with tools for your transformation.

From what to what? From a person who meets the challenges life serves up, to one who designs the stage on which her life plays out; from a single note to a long line, from partial to full expression, from the I to the WE.

Note: I previously mentioned this book in my March 19, 2007 posting: Finding Purpose: The Five P's.

Summer Reading

The following book recommendations come from NY Times science writer Jane Brody ("Personal Health: In Act 2 of Life, Doing Work that Matters"):


Encore: Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life (Public Affairs 2007) by Marc Freedman. The founder of both Civic Ventures and Experience Corps, "Mr. Freedman offers fresh approaches and suggests new opportunities for 60-somethings, especially in the public and nonprofit sectors."


Don't Retire, Rewire! (Alpha 2007) by Jeri-Sadlar and Rick Miners is a "step-by-step guide to help people approaching the second half of life discover their passions and purpose."

And here are two interesting articles, again from The NY Times:

If You're Open to Growth, You Tend to Grow by Janet Rae-Dupree (7/6/08). Rae-Dupree's well-supported thesis is that people who believe that talent and intelligence are potentials that can be developed throughout one's life are far more successful than those who believe that these qualities are fixed at birth.

"A Personal Call to a Prosthetic Invention" by Carol Pogash (7/2/08) about Van Phillips, who invented the Cheetah foot that double-amputee sprinter & Olympic contender Oscar Pistorius uses. My favorite paragraph is the final one. Pogash (see photo at left) writes: "Philips also works on designing a sturdy but flexible foot for victims of land mines. The biggest obstacle, he said, is an amputee's imagination. Too many do not believe they can walk with ease or run again--until they meet Phillips or someone wearing one of his designs."

Q&A with Mitch Ditkoff

If you’re looking for a book to help you manifest an inspired idea, pick up a copy of Awake at the Wheel. (I personally liked the second half even better than the first.) The author is a wonderful, smart, huge-hearted guy named Mitch Ditkoff. Here’s what he has to say about the book:

Who is Awake at the Wheel for?
Four kinds of people: 1) anyone with an inspired idea; 2) anyone who needs an inspired idea; 3) anyone stuck along the way of trying to manifest an inspired idea; and 4) anyone committed to helping others think outside "the cave."

What is Awake at the Wheel about?
Awake at the Wheel is about the creative process--what it takes to originate, develop, and manifest powerful, new ideas. The story follows the arc of the hero’s journey--in this case, the fictional first inventor of the wheel, an outcast Neanderthal named Og,a man who found himself completely consumed with a breakthrough idea in an age when even the idea of an idea was completely unthinkable.

Why did you write the book?
I wanted to provide a guidebook to help people close the gap between thought and action. Many people I know have had at least one idea that was a difference maker. But how many of those people have successfully navigated their way through the often lonely and difficult process of manifesting that idea? Not too many. I wrote Awake at the Wheel to raise the odds of those people succeeding.

Why do you include creative thinking techniques in the book?
Because Awake at the Wheel is more than just a fable about the creative process. It’s also a “how to” book--how to get out of the cave and think more creatively. But not just think. Act, too. Yes, the 35 techniques in the book help people conjure up big ideas, but they also help people close the gap between thought and action. Creativity without action is useless--good for cocktail party banter, but little else.

Is it true you are giving away $1,000 to the reader who submits the best, new creative thinking technique?
Yes. The contest is one way to create an online community of aspiring Ogs, one way to get readers sharing their insights and wisdom with each other. Too many potential innovators out there are struggling alone with their ideas, dreams, and inventions. The contest will stimulate more connection, collaboration, and creative community.

Note: To learn more about Mitch and his book, visit his website at www.awakeatthewheel.info.

Recharging

I've been recharging lately, doing some spring cleaning of both my house and my soul. I've been working in the garden as well, pruning the hydrangeas, moving some astilbes that had grown too large to stay where they were, planting herbs, etc. As with most women, I'm always balancing my professional life with my personal one. I'll be posting again soon. I just don't know exactly when.

P.S. If you're feeling creatively blocked or discouraged in any way, I recommend reading Julia Cameron's newest addition to her Artist's Way series: Walking in This World: The Practical Art of Creativity (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin 2002). For me, it's been a healing balm, the perfect spring cleanser for my spirit.