Free Teleseminar Reminder

A quick reminder to be sure and join me on Tuesday, MAY 13th, at 3:00 pm EST for the second free installment of the May Teleseminar series, "Finding Purpose at Midlife” sponsored by the National Association of Baby Boomer Women.

My Topic: STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE: LEARNING TECHNIQUES FOR TAKING RISKS
Telephone Number: 1 (712) 580-7706
Conference Code: 3132572

For more information, please click here.

Hope you can join in on the call!

Gift to Myself

Today I bought myself a bike for my 54th birthday and took it for a spin. I'm in heaven!

Appreciating the Sunshine

I just returned from a jazz brunch sponsored by the Connecticut Visiting Nurse Association where my husband Michael received a special award. To close the event, someone read a poem. I don't remember the entire text, but I remember one line: "I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sunshine."

The sky this morning is a crisp blue, not a cloud in sight. But for the past few days I've been nursing a nasty cold and feeling miserable. Last night, to put my situation in perspective and better appreciate my blessings, I decided to watch The Diving Bell and the Butterfly on DVD.

Director Julian Schnabel's portrayal of the true story of Jean-Dominique Bauby, who was left paralyzed from head to toe after a massive stroke at age 42, left me in awe.

NY Times movie critic A.O. Scott raves:

Diving Bell is the third feature directed by Julian Schnabel, and its visual dynamism can surely be traced to his first career, as a painter. But the sensory abundance of its sounds and pictures is also a response to the movie’s subject, which is sensory deprivation. Its protagonist, played by Mathieu Amalric, is a high-living, womanizing magazine editor paralyzed by a stroke and able to engage the world only through his left eye.

Blinking is his only means of communication, and the film’s plot essentially involves the composition of the memoir on which it is based, with excursions into its hero’s earlier life and loves. But the true brilliance of “The Diving Bell” resides in how thoroughly Mr. Schnabel dispenses with conventional narrative structure without sacrificing clarity, emotion or pleasure. Rarely has a film about an appalling, tragic circumstance been so thoroughly and convincingly charged with joy.

In the face of Bauby's refusal to succumb to despair, how can I, sniffles and all, not be thankful for the sunshine?

Free Teleseminar Series for Baby Boomer Women

The National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW), the only association devoted to addressing issues concerning the 38-million strong Boomer woman demographic, has announced its May 2008 teleseminar series: FINDING PURPOSE AT MIDLIFE.

The three-part series begins May 6 and offers boomer women advice, guidelines and techniques for taking risks, setting plans and strategies in motion, and ultimately living the life of their dreams. I'll be conducting the May 13th teleseminar. (See below for details.)

About the series, NABBW founder Dotsie Bregel says:

Today’s boomer woman is well-informed, well-read, and well-researched. They strategize, take positive action, and enjoy the support of their family and friends. However, just like anything else in life, boomer women find that there are obstacles to overcome when setting goals and initiating steps toward living their midlife purpose. With this teleseminar series, we hope to provide some answers and help women meet and defeat those obstacles while moving forward with confidence to follow their midlife purpose; whatever it may be.

For more information and to sign up for the NABBW’s Finding Purpose at Midlife teleseminar series, visit the National Association of Baby Boomer Women at www.nabbw.com.

The May series includes three one-hour programs:

CHOOSING VICTORY: HOW TO STOP SURVIVING YOUR LIFE AND START LIVING IT
AnnMarie Kelly, Author of Victorious Woman! Shaping Life’s Challenges into Personal Victories
Tuesday, May 6th at 3:00 pm (EST)
Call in information:
712-580-7706
5634346#

STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE: LEARN TECHNIQUES FOR TAKING RISKS
Prill Boyle, Author of Defying Gravity: A Celebration of Late-Blooming Women
Tuesday, May 13th - 3:00 pm (EST)
Call in information:
712-580-7706
3132572#

DISCOVERING HOW RELATIONSHIPS CAN KEEP YOU FROM DREAMS: THE TRUTH ABOUT IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, Ed.D, www.drkarengaillewis.com
Tuesday, May 27th at 3:00 pm (EST)
Call in information:
712-580-7706
9784162#

About Dotsie Bregel, founder of the NABBW (see photo at right)
Since launching NABBW in 2005, and Boomer Women Speak in 2002, Dotsie Bregel has become the expert journalists seek on Boomer women's issues. Bregel has been mentioned in Time magazine, LA Times, AARP Bulletin and dozens of newspapers, plus radio and television shows including CBS The Early Show with Dave Price.

About the National Association of Baby Boomer Women
The NABBW offers a, hearty membership package, an electronic Resource Library devoted to empowering and educating women worldwide, pertinent teleseminars, a warm panel of experts, and many other benefits. Join the NABBW now and be embraced by the only association devoted to addressing topics concerning 38 million of the healthiest, wealthiest and best educated women to ever hit midlife. The NABBW empowers Boomer women to explore their passions and live life to the fullest. Visit their sister site, BoomerWomenSpeak.com where you’ll find wise, warm, and witty women engaged in over 60 forums 24/7.

Note:: If you take advantage of one of these free calls, you can receive $15 off the NABBW membership fee.

Recharging

I've been recharging lately, doing some spring cleaning of both my house and my soul. I've been working in the garden as well, pruning the hydrangeas, moving some astilbes that had grown too large to stay where they were, planting herbs, etc. As with most women, I'm always balancing my professional life with my personal one. I'll be posting again soon. I just don't know exactly when.

P.S. If you're feeling creatively blocked or discouraged in any way, I recommend reading Julia Cameron's newest addition to her Artist's Way series: Walking in This World: The Practical Art of Creativity (Jeremy P. Tarcher/Penguin 2002). For me, it's been a healing balm, the perfect spring cleaning agent for my spirit.

Sherrie Mathieson

I spent a lovely afternoon this past Monday at a cafe in Ridgefield, CT sipping a cup of tea and chatting with award-winning costume designer and style consultant Sherrie Mathieson.

Still gorgeous at 62, Sherrie's luminous skin and bright eyes reflect her healthy lifestyle. She's a beauty inside and out. Her first book, Forever Cool: How to Achieve Ageless, Youthful and Modern Personal Style, was self-published in 2006 and later picked up by Clarkson-Potter/Random House. It's a style book for the over-50 set.

As the Chicago Tribune says, “Forever Cool features style dos and don'ts for an age-appropriate modern look... The before-and-after images are designed to show readers the components of great style using timeless looks.”

Sherrie embraces the idea that aging gives us the opportunity to exalt our eccentricities and be our true selves. (I love that she uses “real people” models.)"I believe that looking better is about looking natural," she says, "and that aging gracefully is the only way to go. First and foremost, it's about embracing our age rather than denying it. Perhaps, for the first time since our teenage years, we can relax into being ourselves and accept the very things that make us unique." Sherrie insists that cool doesn't mean wearing black all the time. It's “knowing who you are and realizing your full potential."

Amen to that!

To learn more (a sequel is due out in early spring 2009), visit Sherrie's website at www.sherriemathieson.com.

Young@Heart

Keep an eye out for a new documentary film about the Young@Heart Chorus. The singing group began at a center for the elderly in Northampton, Mass and has grown into an ensemble with an international reputation. All the members are senior citizens.

NY Times film critic Stephen Holden writes:

The movie offers an encouraging vision of old age in which the depression commonly associated with decrepitude is held at bay by music making, camaraderie and a sense of humor

Click here to read the full review.

Note: The above photo of 80-year old Young@Heart director Bob Climan (center) is by Brandy Eve Allen of Fox Searchlight Pictures.

Heeding the Call

A few weeks ago, I began a speech by asking how many members of my middle-aged audience still didn’t know what they wanted to be when they grew up.

Amid an eruption of giggles, more than a quarter of the people in the room raised a hand.

Some might argue that if you haven’t found a calling by the time you’re in midlife, chances are you won’t. Meg Wolitzer, author of The Ten-Year Nap, goes even further. In a recent New York Times interview, she declares: “The notion that everyone has a calling, that everyone has a talent, that everyone has a passion, isn’t true.”

I’m not so sure about that. But even if Ms. Wolitzer is right, before you put yourself in the “I don’t have a calling” category, consider Mimi Weddell, who began her acting career at age 65 and has appeared in such films as The Thomas Crown Affair, Hitch, The Purple Rose of Cairo, and Across the Universe. Now 93, she’s still attending cattle calls.

Granted, you might not be as energetic as Ms. Weddell, but that doesn’t mean you're too old to explore your gifts and passions. Keep in mind that a talent can be something as unassuming as always seeing the best in people. One of my husband’s, for example, is being at ease with himself. In his volunteer work with hospice, he puts this talent to good use. Although he claims not to have a vocation, he heeds the call of his heart in helping others.

There's no point, in other words, in striving to be someone you're not. But why settle for being less than you are?

Note: The above photo of Ms. Weddell comes from nymag.com

The Grandma Moses of NYC

At age 60, Adele Lerner's husband gave her a paint-by-the numbers set. At age 83, she earned a bachelor's degree in fine arts from Lehman College. At 101, she had her first art show!

As Ms. Lerner tells NY Times reporter Corey Kilgannon:

What can I tell you? I'm a late bloomer. . . I learn at my own pace. I feel that it's never too late. If you don't know something, go and try to learn it every day until it comes to you.

To read the full article, click here

Note: the above photograph was taken by Suzanne DeChillo for the NYT.

America's Oldest Working Women

According to Pink magazine, 95-year old Blanche Mahaney, an assistant manager of the Cottages Senior Living Apartments in Kingman, Arizona, is America's oldest working woman.

Finding Hope in Tragedy

Today is the 40th anniversary of the My Lai Massacre. As with most gravity defiers, the survivors have not allowed themselves to become embittered by their experiences--at least according to Associated Press Writer Ben Stocking.

"We are not harboring hatred," said Nguyen Hoang Son, vice governor of Quang Ngai, the central Vietnamese province where the incident occurred. "We are calling for solidarity to defend peace, to defend life and to remind the world that it must never forget the massacre at My Lai."

Although the occasion was somber, many visitors said they drew hope from it.

"So much positive energy has come from such a negative event," said Richard Chamberlin, 63, a returning veteran from Madison, Wisconsin. "The people here have amazing resilience. I'm grateful that they've treated us as friends, not enemies."

To read the full text of Stocking's article, click here.

Note: The above AP photo was taken by Chitose Suzuki.

WowOWow

A cool new site for women over 40 is launching this Saturday: WowOWow: The Women on the Web. Check it out at wowowow.com.

Note: The photo above was taken by Joe Fornabaio for The New York Times. Pictured are WowOWow.com founders Liz Smith, Lesley Stahl, Mary Wells, and Joni Evans. Click here to read more about the site in today's Times.

Study to Explore Career Changes

Baby boomer Elva Fong is seeking participants for a doctoral study to determine why women make voluntary career changes in midlife. Among other things, she is hoping to understand the role of emotional intelligence in the decision-making process.

Fong is targeting career women ages 35 to 55 who have been in a middle or upper-level management position for more than five years and have made or are in a position to make a midlife career change. If you fit this profile, consider completing Elva’s 10-question Voluntary Midlife Career Change Survey. Click here to access it. Feel free to pass the survey along to other women. Contact Elva directly at efong1@cox.net if you have questions.

Note: I borrowed some of the above description of Fong’s study from WomenEntrepreneurs.com. More information about the study is available on their site as well.

Josh Swiller, cont.

I just finished an inspiring and informative article by Jane Brody in today's Science Times about Josh Swiller. (See my 9/17/07 posting on Josh.) Click here to read.

Off to Malawi!

70-year old Bonnie Orton, the wonderful Peace Corps volunteer I traveled around Botswana with last February, just called to tell me that she has re-enlisted with the Peace Corps through their "Peace Corps Response" program. She will be leaving in late March for a year in Malawi. Once again, her work will revolve around HIV/AIDS.

Note: I took the above photo of Bonnie in Pretoria, South Africa just over a year ago.

Save the Date

If you live in Southern CT, a heads-up that I'll be giving a speech and doing some Q & A at Housatonic Community College in Bridgeport next Thursday, Feb. 28th, from 11 a.m. to noon in Room A-101. The event is being sponsored by the Women's Center and is free to the public. Should be fun!

Note: The photo above was taken the day of the event. --pb (3/13/03)

The 8 Irresistible Principles of Fun

A friend sent me this link. I love these principles. They only take a minute to read: www.eightprinciples.com.

No Time Like the Present

A memorial celebration was held yesterday for Jim McKennan, the husband of my friend Laurie Gordon. He was only 54 years old and the father of four school-age children. Over 700 people came to the service.

I was fortunate to be able to spend some time with Jim the last few weeks before he died. On each occasion, I left with the conviction that it is our connections with others, as much as our dreams, that nourish and sustain us.

Throughout his life, Jim’s priority was his loved ones. He was enormously successful in business, the creative genius behind the Wendy’s campaign that featured founder Dave Thomas. But he almost never left his house before nine in the morning and tried to be home by six each night. He didn’t want to miss seeing his children off to school and hearing about their day when he returned.

So in honor of Jim, here's a column I wrote about him in August of 2006 when he first became ill:

No Time Like The Present

When we pursue a dream, our spirits wake up. But as our hearts begin to soar and we head off to whatever destination we've chosen, it’s vital to remember that what’s most important in our lives is not in the future. It’s here and now.

Jim McKennan knows this all too well. On June 1st he was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, a complete surprise for an active and seemingly healthy man who is the father of four school-age children.

The odds are not in his favor. But as dire as his situation is, much good has already come from it. His family and friends have rallied around him. “Team Jim,” they’ve dubbed themselves. And through a wonderful organization called “Caring Bridge” (www.caringbridge.org), a website has been created to brief everyone on his progress. On it, Jim and his wife Laurie are keeping a running journal documenting his course of treatment and its side effects, both physical and emotional.

Some of the entries are heartbreaking, such as when Jim shares his experience of Googling the medical term for his tumor. “It made for interesting reading,” he says, “until I remembered it was about me. I cried all night. I cried over the things I was afraid I was going to miss…cried over the help I wasn’t going to be able to offer…cried for the companionship I wasn’t going to be able to give. It was uncontrollable.”

Other entries are poignantly funny. My favorite describes Jim’s experience of losing his lush, silver locks—a result of his chemotherapy. Riding in his friend’s car with the windows open, his hair flying everywhere, he says, “Right now I look a bit like a dandelion that has gone to seed.”

Several times a day well-wishers sign the site’s guest book, adding their words of encouragement and wisdom. And every so often, Laurie posts a new photograph of Jim with family and friends.

From this mosaic of journal entries, well-wishers’ expressions, and pictures emerges a portrait of one human life, a speck of radiant stardust surrounded by a constellation of support and caring. Addressing his ever-growing team of champions, Jim writes: “I can't begin to tell you how powerful your messages and your prayers feel to me. They go beyond saying that you care, they do something else truly remarkable. They keep me in the present, in today, and that simple fact makes me feel exponentially stronger.”

Like Jim, we are all stronger than we suspect, more fragile than we imagine. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. As Laurie says, “What seemed impossible five weeks ago, has begun to seem routine. . . . I don't know if that's good or bad, but that's how you live with this and how you continue to find the light and stay out of the black hole of what ifs.”

A week later, she adds: “Everyone tells me to be strong. . , but I tell you. . , my whole being--physical, mental, emotional, spiritual—has been stretched, turned inside-out, exhausted from this shock and trauma. . . . And so before I get up [each morning], I want to remember and feel that most important thing. Life itself, and the breathing. . . . Where there's life there's hope. And that brings some peace and comfort.”

Right now, Jim and Laurie’s most fervent dream is for Jim’s tumor to disappear. But in walking towards that dream, and in doing battle with any and everything that’s coming in the way, they’ve understood that this moment is the only one they have.

Note: To read Jim and Laurie's Caring Bridge journal (have plenty of tissues on hand), click here.

True Grit

Below are some excerpts from a provocative article titled True Grit published in the Winter 2007 Penn Arts & Sciences Magazine.

Author Priya Ratneshwar writes:

Nature or nurture? Inspiration or perspiration? Most of us have wondered whether success is due more to the talents we’re born with or to the choices we make. [UPenn] Assistant professor of psychology Angela Duckworth...determined there was one personal characteristic shared by most prominent leaders in every field: grit.

...Defined as “perseverance and passion for long-term goals,” grit is differentiated from the closely related trait of self-discipline.... The latter involves the ability to resist temptation and stay focused on accomplishing tasks immediately at hand.... Grit, however, goes further than self-discipline and involves a commitment to very long-term goals that does not waver in the face of failure or adversity.

Now, here’s the part I like best:

[Duckworth’s] study also determined that older individuals tend to be higher in grit than younger ones, which suggests that the trait might increase over a person’s life.

To download the full article, click here and scroll down to True Grit.

Thriving on Serendipity

People are always asking me how one discovers a calling. The honest answer is that I'm not sure. I suspect that for the majority of us, the seeds appear in childhood. (My interviews with late bloomers bear this out.) But other than that, I can't really say. What I have noticed, however, is that sometimes a serendipitous, off-the-cuff comment can change the course of a person's life.

Thus, I was delighted to read Lisa Belkin's Life's Work column on 1/10/08 in The NY Times titled Planning a Life with Room for Debate. In it, she explores the role of serendipity in our career choices.

Belkin writes:

...Lately, I have been thinking of the strong but transparent filaments that connect our past to our present. The threads, which are usually hidden, have come out in full relief.

One is a college professor, a literary idol of mine, who happened to ask in passing, 'You’re a writer, so why are you applying to law school?' I doubt he remembers he said it. If I had been late that morning and we had not happened to walk to the classroom together, would I ever have written books at all?

It’s a game we often play when we look back on love ('If I had let my cold keep me home that night in December 1986, would we ever have met'). But we like to think we have greater control when it comes to career choices.

Yet, we don’t. Any number of serendipitous events have led us to the work we do and honed the skill with which we hopefully do it. Sometimes a choice is deliberate, but just as often it is disguised as a lark or even a wrong turn....

She then concludes:

Human nature thrives on serendipity. If the road toward a career allows for less, we will begin to compensate by being more open to serendipity later in the journey.

One of the most transforming trends in the seven years I have written this column has been the willingness of workers to change jobs, identity, routine. Careers are no longer linear for many reasons. I believe one reason is we need to experiment somewhere. If you squelch the possibility at the start, it will burst forth in the middle.

To read the full article, click here.

Questions for the New Year

The following list was sent to me by Sue Urda. The questions are simple, but I found them useful. Sue says, "Feel the feelings that your answers inspire and allow your answers to guide you through the new year, each day and each moment. You will create the year of your dreams if you allow yourself to be guided by your inner truth, show love for yourself and others, and be open to giving and receiving."

15 QUESTIONS FOR CREATING A POWERFUL NEW YEAR

1. What is most important to you?
2. Who is most important to you?
3. What brings you the most joy?
4. What is your greatest talent?
5. What is the biggest dream you have?
6. What is the one thing you must do this year?
7. Who is the person you most admire and why?
8. Who loves you unconditionally?
9. Who do you love unconditionally?
10. How can you have more fun?
11. What is the one emotion that you want to feel every day?
12. What are you most grateful for?
13. What brings a smile to your face when you think about it?
14. What is the gift that only you can give to the world?
15. What is your mantra--one that keeps you on the perfect path for you?

Note: Sue Urda is the CEO & Founder of Powerful You! Women’s Network and a two-time honoree on Inc Magazine’s list of 500 Fastest-Growing Private Companies. Through Powerful You!, Sue assists women to grow & live rich, powerful lives through network meetings, workshops, & building relationships. She is also the author of Powerful Intentions, Everyday Gratitude (Jan. '08); Networking & You...Perfect Together; and the inspirational movie Stepping Stones. For more information, visit www.powerfulyou.com

Kathy Patrick

Today I want to celebrate my larger-than-life, late-bloomer friend Kathy Patrick, owner of the world’s only combination beauty salon/bookstore; founder of the Pulpwood Queens Book Club; and a tireless promoter of authors and literacy. In finding a way to simultaneously satisfy her two passions, books and beauty, she's learned some valuable--and humorous--lessons.

Now she's published a memoir, reading guide and cookbook rolled into one titled The Pulpwood Queens’ Tiara-Wearing, Book-Sharing Guide to Life. (That’s Kathy in full Pulpwood Queen regalia on the cover.) With a heart that's even bigger than her "go to town" hair and a story that will make you laugh until you cry, Kathy reminds us that we're never too old to achieve our dreams--or play dress up!

To learn more about Kathy and her new book, go to www.beautyandthebook.com.

Taking a Hiatus

Just a reminder that I'm taking a break from my regular blogging to work on my novel. (I finally finished the first draft and cleaned my desk to get organized as I prepare to revise.) If you'd like to be notified each time I write a new entry and/or start up again with my weekly postings, e-mail me at prill@prillboyle.com. Feel free to contact me if you'd like to do a guest-post.

Dealing with Mistakes

Here’s an article for all you perfectionists out there. (Believe me, it takes one to know one.) The piece, "The Many Errors in Thinking About Mistakes," appeared in the Personal Business section of The New York Times this past Saturday. It's by Alina Tugend, a freelance writer based in NYC. Click here to read.

5 Predictors of Success

From Paul Brown's 11/7/07 New York Times column "What's Offline":

DO YOU FIT?

The biggest mistake people make in choosing a career is picking something just because they are good at it,” Dan Miller, an author and life coach, says in AARP magazine.

“Remembering the happiest times in your life and the times when you felt most fulfilled are better indicators of your calling than just knowing what you can do,” he writes. Finding emotionally satisfying employment is no accident, he says.

Here are his five “top predictors of success”:

Passion. This is more than enthusiasm for the work you are doing. The work, Mr. Miller writes, must touch off “intense emotional excitement.”

Determination. Recognize “that if you respond to circumstances, any obstacle will send you off in a new direction.”

Joy. “What are those things you love to do whether or not you get paid?”

Self-Discipline. This factor is the “foundation that makes the other predictors work. Knowing those predictors is the initial step, but action on them always requires self-discipline.”

Faith. “Even with everything lining up logically or financially, real success requires that step of faith into the unknown.”

To read Miller's original AARP article, "Five Predicators of Success," click here.

To read a related Miller article titled "Follow Your Dream," click here.

Tips for Turning 60

When I first started writing about late bloomers seven years ago, it was unusual for someone to go back to school in midlife or start a new business. Today, while such endeavors might still not be considered commonplace, they are no longer particularly newsworthy. Americans are gradually accepting the idea that so long as our minds are alert and our bodies able, we can continue living lives of passion and purpose.

So in honor of 60-year old Kathleen Casey-Kirschling (see photo above), who in January becomes the first baby boomer to collect Social Security, here are some quick tips to help you keep moving forward:

Face Your Mortality Head-On

Ask yourself, "If I were to die today, what legacy would I leave behind?" Pat yourself on the back for everything you've accomplished--even simple acts of kindness. Regret has its place (it might, for instance, highlight a behavior you'd like to change), but wallowing in it saps precious energy. In other words, find a measure of peace with yourself.

Acknowledge Your Desires

Allow yourself to dream. If you're in your sixties, it's possible that you'll have another 30+ years to live. Ask yourself: "What am I doing that I'd like to stop? What am I not doing that I'd like to begin?" (I've said this before, but it bears repeating.) Write down your answers and let them percolate.

Become a Lifelong Learner

Nothing keeps you younger! Want to try your hand at drawing? It's not too late. Want to join the Peace Corps? They're recruiting older volunteers. (The oldest of the current crop is now 81!)

Remember the Romper Room ditty "Bend and stretch, reach for the stars"? The words still apply!

Banish Guilt

If you won't give yourself permission to do what you want at 60, when will you?

Two More Stories

Having been out of town off and on for weeks, I'm only now catching up on my reading. Here are two pieces I just came across:

From the November 2, 2007 edition of The Week:

In China's Zhejiang province, a 106-year-old man has married an 81 year-old woman. [See photo above.] The groom, Pan Xiting, and the bride, Chen Adi, met eight years ago after their respective spouses died....

"Now we are a family," Pan declared, "and we will never separate from each other till death."

The second is by Clyde Haberman (The New York Times 11/6/07). It's about a 103- year old Holocaust survivor named Alice Herz-Sommer who still finds joy playing the piano:

...A couple of immobile fingers are not about to keep [Ms. Herz-Sommer] from her daily routine of two and a half hours at the piano, starting off with a Bach prelude.

"I play with eight fingers," Ms. Herz-Sommer said by phone from her apartment in London. "I change the fingering. But I manage. When you want something very, very , very much, you are able to do it. You have to be strong-willed, ja?"

As the "ja" suggests, her English bears hints of German, the language she spoke at home while growing up in Prague a century ago. But her voice bears only strength, without a quaver to suggest this is a woman who will turn 104 in three weeks....

And of course she remembers the music. "Especially Beethoven," she said. "He's a miracle. Beethoven is my religion. I am Jewish, with Beethoven as religion. Beethoven is a fighter. He gives me the faith to live and to say to me: Life is wonderful and worthwhile, even when it is difficult."

For the full text of the above article, click here.

The Dream Team

Last summer, four of my girlfriends and I decided as a hoot to do a regular podcast where we hone our speaking skills (the challenge being to distill our comments to a minute apiece per topic) and share our thoughts on later-in-life blooming. We call ourselves The Dream Team. To listen to our monthly dose of inspiration, wisdom and wit, click here.

The Dream Team:

DALE ALLEN: A 15-year veteran of business and commercial communications, Dale ignites audiences around the country with her one-woman show In Our Right Minds, A Celebration of Women, the Sacred Feminine and the Right Brain. An accomplished lecturer, facilitator, playwright, and actress, Dale brings “the energy of a Cape Canaveral lift-off” to her presentations. www.InOurRightMinds.com

JOAN FISLER: A Certified Financial Planner and Divorce Financial Analyst, Joan's vision is to educate and inspire people to become confident and successful investors. In her private practice, Joan consults with women and couples as they go through the divorce process and is one of the first financial professionals trained in the collaborative divorce model in Connecticut. joan_fisler@yahoo.com

C.J. GOLDEN: Author of The Tao Of The Defiant Woman, now in its second edition and newly published in Spanish, C.J. is a former speech therapist and actor. A freelance columnist, motivational speaker and a regular contributor to the Sally Jessy Raphael TalkNet Show, she also conducts seminars around the country. www.toagirl.com

BARBARA SCALA: A Life Transition & Divorce Coach, former attorney and Founder/Editor of Bloom, Barbara’s motto is "Grow from Life Transitions!" A dynamic speaker, Barbara helps people transition from divorce, career, midlife and other lifestyle changes and is also the co-author of Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life as seen on the Today Show. www.bloomcoach.com

And me!

Note: In the photo above, from the left are C.J., me, Barb, Dale, and Joan.

Caroline Presno

Psychotherapist and educator Dr. Caroline Presno is yet another wonderful author who contacted me as a result of this blog being mentioned in The New York Times. (See Sept. 5th posting.) Here's what she sent in response to my invitation to write a guest-post:

I’ve always defined myself as a late bloomer. My father was a self-described late bloomer so maybe there is some kind of LB gene out there that got passed on. I wore the LB label proudly because I was taking the time to lay the seeds of a full, beautiful bloom one day. I continued to go to school for years after the majority of my peers were well into their careers. I continued to date after the majority of my peers settled into marriages.

This before-the-bloom time was filled with excitement and anticipation, but it also became increasingly frustrating, particularly with regard to relationships. The seeds seemed to be leading more toward dead wood than to the one blossom I had been looking for.

But still I was determined to keep planting by continuing to date and not give up. I was careful to weed out the wrong men and look for that one right man to come along. I became a psychotherapist and used that expertise combined with my personal relationship experiences to write Profiling Your Date: A Smart Woman's Guide to Evaluating a Man (St. Martin's Press 2007). I knew in my heart I was on the right path and felt so strongly about it, I needed to share it with other women. It’s about perseverance and about opening your eyes to who people really are—including yourself!

And what happens next is a blooming, happy ending. I have become the person that I was meant to become and found my “one.” And isn’t funny that my once shy, but now outgoing fiancé (I’m 38 and getting married for the first time in a couple of weeks) is a self-described late bloomer as well!

I “profiled” him at an online dating site which to me is one of the best ways to meet people as long as you are smart about it. Right away, a sweetness in his smile attracted me while the similar ways we expressed ourselves drew me in.

Do I wish I had met him earlier in my life? I see so clearly that we can’t will the love of our lives to come along exactly when we want them. What we can do is choose to let the healthiest, most fun and interesting people into our lives—by staying on this path, it will lead us to each of our “ones."

Here are a few important profiling tips that I hope help you on your relationship path:

1. Always be cautious of someone who wants too much from you too soon—emotionally, financially, sexually.

2. If you meet a thrill-seeker who gets bored easily, he/she will eventually get bored with you.

3. Remember past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior i.e. if he has cheated once, he is likely to cheat again.

4. Watch out for “opposites attracting.” So many studies show that people who have similar traits and values, as well as similar levels of intelligence and attractiveness have the longest, happiest relationships.

5. See who the person really is rather than trying to make them into the person you want them to be.

6. Be self-reflective, but don’t continuously self-blame. Many times when you thought you weren’t attractive enough, or fun enough for someone to commit to you, the reality was that your partner wasn’t emotionally healthy enough to establish and maintain a relationship.

7. Don’t look for a perfect person, look for individuals who are working toward fulfilling their potential.

For more information about Caroline and her book, go to www.profilingyourdate.com

The Ultimate Test

You wouldn’t know it from reading People magazine, but the value of our lives probably won’t end up being measured by how much money we made or how well-known we were. A few generations down the road, it’s likely no one will remember what we accomplished. (If you don’t believe me, ask a group of junior high school students who Paul Newman is.)

Keeping this in mind, the best way I know to get your priorities straight when faced with a major life decision is to ask yourself how you would feel on your deathbed if you'd actually done whatever it is you're contemplating doing. The beauty of the “deathbed test” is that it not only encourages you to listen to your heart and follow its path, but also to consider the footprints you’re leaving behind.

I’m reminded of my parents’ neighbor Larry, who was bedridden for over a decade with multiple sclerosis. Presuming he hadn’t had much contact with anyone, I expected a light turnout at his funeral. But when I got to the church, I found a policeman directing traffic and the sanctuary filled. A standing-room only crowd.

After the minister delivered his eulogy, Larry's wife opened the floor to anyone who wanted to speak. I was worried that no one would respond, but more than a dozen people stood up and described how this man, without leaving his bed, had touched their lives.

It turns out that quietly, with no fanfare, people been reading to Larry, doing his laundry, and taking care of his most basic needs. My family never noticed all the angels entering and leaving the house next door. We had no idea that Larry was loved by so many. Listening to the stories, I was in tears. Larry couldn’t even wash himself. Yet according to those who spoke, he never lost his sense of humor, never let his situation get the best of him.

There is no right or wrong answer to the deathbed test. It’s one of the most personal questions there is. But whatever you decide to do with your life, remember the Larrys of this world and take heart that no matter what your circumstances, you can still make a difference.

Note: The multimedia digital art at the top of this posting is by Aluna Joy. Visit her site at www.alunajoy.com.

Karen Gail Lewis

Laughing about a hot flash—that’s how I met Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, a psychotherapist in private practice in both Washington, D.C. and Cincinnati, OH. (See photo at right.) We were standing near each other in a security line at the Cincinnati Airport when I started chuckling to myself about the perfect timing of my sudden rise in temperature. (The guard didn’t have to tell me twice to take off my sweater!) I made some glib remark to Karen about menopause, and we immediately hit it off. A few months later, she came to New York City and we met at the Public Library and had lunch at the Hyatt. We’ve been in contact ever since.

What I love most about Karen is that she's refreshingly honest. I also love that she made a courageous choice in her twenties to never have children. No, she’s not gay. Yes, she’s had a rich love life. But it’s only now, in her 60’s, that she’s started living with a man. In other words, she has shamelessly and joyfully defied societal norms. In addition to her private practice, she runs workshops and retreats and is the author of several books, my favorite of which is With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives

In my ongoing quest to find inspiring guest writers for this blog, I invited Dr. Lewis to post an abridged version of her essay Are You an Empty Nexter?

Are You An Empty Nexter?
(No, that's not a typo.)

Empty Nexters are baby boomer women who struggle to figure out what comes next. They may be empty nesters or newly "orphaned" (meaning both pa