See You August 25th

I'm on hiatus until August 25th, working on a novel.

If you've come here looking for inspiration, no need to go away disappointed. Just scroll down the page and peruse the postings. (The volume of visible posts is what causes the sidebar to take so long to load.) Of course, you can also use the index to search through the entire two-and-a-half years' worth of entries or become a Defying Gravity fan on Facebook and get regular updates about late-blooming men and women along with current research on aging.

If you're one of the generous souls who have told me a story of late blooming that I haven't yet blogged about, rest assured that I will do so in the fall.

And, finally, if you haven't yet seen the YouTube video of 47-year old gravity-defier Susan Boyle (no relation) wowing the judges during her audition for Britians Got Talent, do yourself a favor and click here.

Sticking With Your Dreams

Research shows that 80 percent of people who resolve in January to change their behavior have lost heart by Valentine’s Day. By Easter--well, forget it.

According to clinical psychologist Dr. Marion Jacobs, author of Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life...One Scene at a Time, part of the problem is that our brains don’t believe we’re serious about changing until they see some proof.

So whether you have a resolution you haven’t kept or a dream you haven’t stuck with, consider the following strategies to give your brain the evidence it needs:

Set small, achievable goals. Perhaps you’ve been wanting to go back to school and earn a degree but keep coming up with excuses. Set a goal of signing up for a single class or one-day workshop. If you enjoy it, chances are you’ll take another. If you don’t, at least you’ll have learned something about yourself. The same strategy applies to all sorts of endeavors. Want to write a memoir, but can't get started? Write a page a day and you'll have 365 by the end of the year.

Develop a specific action plan. Think about what steps are necessary to achieve your goal and write them down to imprint them on your brain. (This is an important part of the process.) Make each step realistic enough to be non-negotiable. Goals like losing weight require multiple steps; others require just one step performed over and over. If you want to be more courageous, for example, commit to doing one thing a day that scares you.

Anticipate challenges. If you’re trying to lose weight and have to attend a party where you know there will be lots of tempting treats, fill your stomach beforehand and limit yourself to one serving of dessert while you’re there. Whether you’re working toward a real estate license or learning to play the piano, don’t beat yourself up if you fail a test or miss a practice. From the get-go, tell yourself that if you fall off the wagon, you’ll get right back on. The most successful people in any discipline are not the ones who never fail, but the ones who persevere.

Reward yourself. Remember being a child and getting a gold star when you accomplished a task? Whatever your age, it feels good to have your accomplishments recognized. It’s one of the ways we get motivated to keep making effort. So get in the habit of giving yourself not just a pat on the back but some tangible reward every time you meet one of your goals.

And the next time someone tries to convince you that you can’t change, say with confidence: “Yes, I can!”

Note: I previously published the above on the National Association of Baby Boomer Women website.

Website for Women Over 50

I just came across a great new website: www.goldivas.com. Its tagline--"for women over 50 who are too young to be old"--says it all. The site is attractive, easy to navigate and features postings on such varied topics as careers, creative living, beauty, fashion, fiction/poetry, fitness/health, money, technology and travel.

Movie Recommendation

I saw a sweet, made-for-television movie last night that I rented on Netflix: The Simple Life of Noah Dearborn. With an inspiring message for late bloomers and a lovely, nuanced performance by Oscar winner Sidney Poitier, this feel-good fable is worth a watch.

Did you know?

One can be too responsible—or so suggests a new study by two consumer psychologists interviewed by John Tierney in yesterday's Science Times.

When asked by the two researchers how they felt about what they did on their winter breaks, college students initially regretted not doing enough studying or earning enough money. But when they looked back on their experiences a year later, they were more apt to regret not having enough fun.

The trend was even more pronounced when alumni attending a fortieth reunion were asked the same question. “People feel guilty about hedonism right afterwards, but as time passes the guilt dissipates,” says Dr. Ran Kivetz, a professor of marketing at the Columbia Business School. “At some point there’s a reversal, and what builds up is this wistful feeling of missing out on life’s pleasures.”

To read the full article ("Oversaving, a Burden for Our Times"), click here.

Introducing L Diane Wolfe: Overcoming Obstacles with Spunk

Today I'd like to welcome fellow blogger L. Diane Wolfe, author of the Circle of Friends series of novels and the just-released Overcoming Obstacles with Spunk: The Keys to Leadership & Goal Setting.

I love this woman! She doesn't believe in the word impossible and is willing to do whatever it takes to spread her message of hope.

Her Circle of Friends series, described as “encouragement personified," is set in the South and aimed at a young adult/adult audience. The intertwining stories focus on friendship, overcoming obstacles and pursuing dreams. (Now you know why I'm interested in her work.) Diane's newest book, her first foray into the non-fiction arena, outlines what it takes to become an effective and dynamic leader.

Here's some Q&A I recently did with her:

Both your fiction and non-fiction focus on overcoming obstacles and pursuing dreams. How did you become interested in this subject?
I spent ten years in a motivation business program and it involved a lot of positive reading and reinforcement. While the business aspect just never seemed right for me, the basic concept of success principles and pursuing goals struck a chord. I wanted to encourage others and give them hope, especially young people. We can achieve anything in life if we want it bad enough.

What made you decide to write your newest book: Overcoming Obstacles with Spunk?
I teach a seminar by the same name. The idea sparked to put it into book form when I created a leadership seminar as well. I realized I could use the Five Keys as a blueprint and combine the ideas into one easy-to-digest success book. Once that idea hit and I began contacting my future co-authors, it came together very quickly. This is the book I was meant to write!

Which of your five Keys to becoming an effective, dynamic leader is the most important?

I don’t think one could take away any of the keys and make it still work! Without goals, we have no purpose in life, so that might be the most important. But the others are crucial as well! Especially people skills – a lack of people skills is the real reason most people fail. If we don’t conquer our fears, nothing is accomplished. If we don’t raise our self-esteem, we’ll never develop the skills to succeed. And if we have a poor attitude, all bets are off!

I heard you say on the radio that you used to be shy. How did you gain confidence?

Back to that motivation business program and lots of reading!! I had to really work on my self-image. I devoured hundreds of success, self-help, motivational, inspirational, and relationship books! Through that program, I learned not to fear people. I even spoke in front of a crowd of several thousand a couple times! So, by the time I started my author journey, I was ready.

Besides, a redhead can’t be shy – that’s just wrong!

Tell us about your blog.

“Tips from a Spunky author!” It’s gone through many transformations over the years. I’ve even blogged as my characters! Now I focus on promotion ideas and uplifting tidbits, with guest author appearances one – two times a week. Fridays I’ve dedicated to “And now for something completely different…” in honor of Monty Python and it’s a mesh of subjects. This spring I will probably post even more inspirational tidbits!

Your blog is called "Spunk on a Stick." How did you come up with that phrase?

My nickname has always been “Spunky” and my husband came up with “Spunk On A Stick.” His reasoning was that chicken is good, but chicken on a stick is even better – thus, spunk is good, spunk on a stick even better! I first began using it about three years ago on the social networking site, Deviant Art, and it just stuck!

What does the "L" in L. Diane Wolfe stand for?
It stands for my first name!

One of these days I’ll have a contest – guess the author’s first name! Close friends, family, and former classmates will be excluded from answering…

And the last word is…?

True success is based on how many people are better off because of you – and I want to be sure I help/motivate/influence as many as possible over the course of my lifetime!

Visit Diane's website at www.thecircleoffriends.net and her blog (provocatively titled "Spunk on a Stick") at circleoffriends.blogspot.com.

To order the book from Amazon, click here.

Staying Focused

A little less than a year ago, my husband’s mom moved into an graduated-care facility in Northern Virginia, leaving behind a two-bedroom home filled with thirty-five years of memories and a lifetime of possessions. My sister-in-law Mary and I traveled to Camden, South Carolina last week to clean out the place.

To add to the enormity of the task, my mother-in-law collects nick-knacks the way nylon collects lint. Every room was crammed with tchotchkes and trinkets. If we’d had unlimited time, perhaps we could have packed without a plan, but we only had three days. Rather than getting overwhelmed, however, Mary and stepped back and asked ourselves: “What three categories of items are taking up the most space?” We figured that if we could identify these and divvy them up, we'd make quick, visible progress. (We also decided to reward ourselves each evening with a pitcher of margaritas!)

In other words, we devised a simple plan that we could both understand and carry out.

Doing a quick walk-through of the house, we decided that books, linens and clothes were the largest groups of items. I took on the first two; Mary tackled the latter. The knick-knacks were easy to deal with once we’d emptied the house of everything else. (The photo at the top of this posting is of the living room after all the major stuff had been removed. The two smaller photos are of Mary and me in the living room once we'd finished with it.)

As Mary and I boxed and bagged, it occurred to me that our triage technique of first addressing the three tasks that mattered most not only prevented us from getting mired in minutiae but could be replicated to achieve almost any dream or goal.

Margaritas are optional.

Off to South Carolina

I'm flying to South Carolina tomorrow, where I'll be spending the rest of the week emptying out my 85-year old mother-in-law's house for future sale. My sister-in-law is meeting me down there, and we're determined to have fun--or at least as much as the circumstances permit. (Margaritas anyone?) In any event, I won't be posting again until next week.

One Story at a Time

I have several stories piled up on my desk that I want want to tell you today. There's Dave Timmons, who left his high-paying corporate career to become a musician and national speaker; Chris Holliday, who became a working actress in her 40's; Chloe Jon Paul, who just published a book with the lovely title Entering the Age of Elegance: A Rite of Passage & Practical Guide for the Modern Maturing Woman; Paul Cadre, a man who is passionate about owls; as well as updates on some of the women profiled in my book--Maureen Horkan and Jane Work specifically.

But all these stories will have to wait. If I'm going to keep making progress on my novel, all I have time to share with you this afternoon is an anecdote I read in the Metropolitan Diary section of Monday's New York Times. It took my breath away.

Dear Diary:

(This is a true story. It took place in Sheepshead Bay this winter.)

In Dunkin' Donuts this morning,
an old lady wearing a tattered watch cap
started speaking to no one in particular.
"I can't sleep at night.
I have pains in my chest all the time.
My leg hurts and my children do not love me."
People waiting in line
hid in their cellphones, looked away
or stared straight ahead.
"I don't know what to do.
I don't know where to turn.
My husband died two years ago on the 27th."
Everyone pretended she wasn't there.
The girls behind the counter took the next customers.
The line inched forward. At a side table, a beautiful young lady
with matching purple scarf and hat
looked at the old woman and said, simply,
"Honey, please sit down with me,
and tell me your story."

It's possible, you see,
for one person to save the world.

--Mel Glen

Speaking of Spunk...

A huge thank you to L. Diane Wolfe, who just posted an interview with me on her Spunk on a Stick blog. (LDW's tagline: "Promoting and Publishing Tips from a Spunky Author.") I loved her questions! Click here to read.

Now a heads-up. I've said this before, but it bears repeating: Defying gravity requires prioritizing time. You've got to set limits...and be spunky. Right now, with two books in the works (a novel about a late bloomer as well as a male version of Defying Gravity that I'm co-authoring with journalist Larry Portzline), my blog has taken a back seat. I'm not exactly on a blogging hiatus--I want to keep active so that I can post when the mood strikes--but at least for now I'm no longer posting two or three times a week.

Tony Melendez

Talk about defying gravity! Born without arms, Nicaraguan Tony Melendez learned how to play the guitar with his feet. Watch this 1 min. 49 sec. video of him performing “Let It Be":


Make sure to watch--or scroll--all the way to end.

Choices

Occasionally, my blog postings are republished on Vibrant Nation, a wonderful website where women 50+ exchange ideas and join in smart conversation. In one such exchange prompted by my Jan. 27th posting (which Vibrant Nation re-titled "What Quote or Poem Inspires You?"), a woman shared the following:

CHOICES
By Nikki Giovanni

if i can't do
what i want to do
then my job is to not
do what i don't want
to do

it's not the same thing
but it's the best i can
do

if i can't have
what i want . . . then
my job is to want
what i've got
and be satisfied
that at least there
is something more to want

since i can't go
where i need
to go . . . then i must . . . go
where the signs point
through always understanding
parallel movement
isn't lateral

when i can't express
what i really feel
i practice feeling
what i can express
and none of it is equal
i know
but that's why mankind
alone among the animals
learns to cry

So many times we think we don't have a choice when we really do. What I love about Giovanni's poem is that she teases out some of the complexity of the issue.

Penny Pearlman on the Importance of Showing Up

For the past two years, I've been watching my dear friend Penny Pearlman conceive, gestate and birth her first book: Pretty Smart: Lessons from Our Miss Americas.

After traveling all across the country interviewing 22 former Miss Americas (including Phyllis George and Gretchen Carlson of Fox & Friends), Penny has much wisdom to share about going for a dream. In a future posting, I'll tell her wonderful story in greater depth, but here's a quick taste from her own blog:

Earlier this week I gave a talk before a group called the Passion Project here in Connecticut. Each month the moderator (my dear friend and fellow author, Prill Boyle) invites a woman to share her journey and her passion.

As I thought about what I would say and listed the seminal moments in my life, I realized that the thread that ran through my various travels towards achievement, around obstacles and through my own self doubts is that I showed up. I showed up when opportunity presented itself. I showed up when I was looking for a new path. I showed up even though my knees were quaking.

And more than showing up, when you’re just a face in the crowd, I raised my hand and said, “here I am” to that opportunity, to facing adversity, to struggling with my own limiting beliefs.

There is no secret to fulfilling a passion or a dream. The ingredients are the same, though the mix may be different for each of us. Persistence, discipline, focus, courage and vision are the drivers in our soul that keep us moving forward.

More important than saying to no to distractions, other’s negative opinions or potential barriers, is saying YES! to our dreams. When you show up and raise your hands, your are saying Yes to yourself. There is no more powerful engine of success than that.

To read more about Penny, order her book, and/or access her blog, visit pennypearlman.com.

Second Acts

I just came across an inspiring Forbes.com feature story titled "Second Acts" profiling seven men and women who managed to switch tracks in midlife and "find fulfillment along the way."

Here's what one of the seven, Emmy-winning actress Kathryn Joosten, who plays the nosy neighbor on Desperate Housewives, has to say about herself:

Some people in Hollywood think of me as a model for dramatic midlife transitions: suburban housewife to Emmy-winning actress. But I never plotted out a master plan for following my dreams. My career arc seemed perfectly normal to me as it evolved over time. Each phase just seemed to grow naturally out of the one before.

I started out as a nurse. As a teenager growing up in Chicago in the 1950s, I worked part time at a local hospital, where I spent my off hours hanging around the pediatrics unit with a friendly nurse. She inspired me to go into the profession. After graduating from high school and completing a training program, I landed a job at the Psychiatric Institute at Michael Reese Hospital. I was there nine years, eventually rising to head nurse of the largest psychiatric unit. Then I married one of the staff psychiatrists and gave up nursing for a new life as a housewife in suburban Lake Forest.

Ten years later, he got the mistress and I got the children. . . .

To read more, click here.

Note: I took the above photo of Kathryn Joosten from the Forbes.com site.

Seeing Setbacks as Stepping Stones

The daughter of a friend of mine was rejected last week from both her first and second-choice law schools. She was wait-listed from the third and hasn’t heard yet from the fourth. Understandably, she was demoralized. She’d been dreaming of living in Chicago next year and eventually, law degree in hand, working for the FBI.

Her dad asked me to give her a call, so I did. First, I commiserated. Then I tried to buoy her with platitudes. (“When one door closes, another opens,” I said.) But I have to admit that other than assuring her that she’s loved no matter whether she gets into law school or not, I doubt I helped much.

A few days later I was chatting with another mom who had also contacted my friend’s daughter. This woman had a radically different approach. She said to the girl, “What’s your game plan? How are you going to move forward?” The woman then suggested that the girl contact the one school she was wait-listed from and ask what she could do to increase her chances of acceptance. She also advised being proactive and writing a letter to the school she hadn’t heard from yet, updating the admissions committee on any accomplishments she’d had and awards she’d earned between when she’d originally applied and now. And finally, the woman said, “Look at your alternatives. Consider, for instance, moving to Chicago anyway and getting a job at a law firm. If after witnessing firsthand what it’s like to be a lawyer, you still want to become one, then re-apply. If you don’t like what you see, you’ll have learned something about yourself.”

Listening to the woman tell the story, I was in awe of how she handled the situation. It hadn’t occurred to me to suggest to the girl different ways of moving forward. When I commended the woman for being so helpful, she told me that she never accepts rejection outright. “Sometimes you’ve got to fight for what you want,” she said.

How true.

When it gets down to it, we don’t have a heck of a lot of spare time to toss away licking our wounds and feeling sorry for ourselves. Life might feel slow when it’s moving forward; but looking back, it happens in the blink of an eye. An occasional pity party is fine, sometimes even fun in a perverse sort of way. But how much more fun would it be if each of us, when faced with a setback, said to ourselves not “Why me?” but “How can I move forward?”

Quote of the Day

My friend Bonnie Adler, staff writer for the Westport Minuteman, told me this morning that her father always used to say: "I'm a lucky man. The harder I work, the luckier I get." I suspect most of the people profiled on this blog would agree (though, of course, a fair percentage would change the word "man" to "woman").

Deadline Approaching for Purpose Prize

A quick reminder that March 5th is the deadline for submitting your nominations for The Purpose Prize——$100,000 awards for people over age 60 who are creating new ways to solve social issues. Change someone's life by going to www.encore.org/prize to begin the nomination process.

From health care to education, global warming to poverty reduction, winners of The Purpose Prize are recognized for using experience and skill in their encore careers to figure out new methods for improving our communities and our world. (See my 1/7/09 posting to read about past winners.) Civic Ventures, the sponsor of the prize, is casting a wide net to find the next 10 winners. Consider nominating someone - or yourself - for this prestigious award.

Note: The photo above is of 2008 Purpose Prize winner Joseph James (taken from the Purpose Prize website).

Lydia Raurell

Last week I heard from a representative of Lydia Raurell, author of A Year of Dancing Dangerously (Overlook 2008). I’m often asked by authors to consider blogging about their books. Sometimes I do; sometimes I don’t. It depends on how strong the connection is between the subject and my defying-gravity theme and whether or not I feel good about implicitly or explicitly endorsing the work.

This one was a no-brainer.

I haven’t read Lydia’s book yet, but I watched the video on her website and was immediately inspired.

For as long as she can remember, Lydia dreamed of becoming a dancer. By the time she was in her mid-fifties, she’d been a mom and a businesswoman and was ready for a new adventure. When she stumbled across an ad in her local paper that read “Walk in Monday, dance out Friday,” that’s exactly what she did. A year later she reigned at the top of the national leader board, a first for a newcomer.

Both the video and, presumably, the book let us peek inside the world of ballroom dancing and see what it takes to become a winner--in every sense of the word.

Click here to access Lydia's website.

The Art of Giving

Here we are in the middle of a recession and I'm re-doing my bathrooms.

Believe me, I'm not the kind of person who enjoys renovating houses. (I'm one of those rare women who hates to shop.) I've kept up with maintenance, but haven't had any major work done around here in 14 years. The last time I think the bathrooms were done was in '78.

So why spend money now?

Because I had a bit of cash on hand and thought, what the heck, why not put some people to work?

(My decision was helped along by the fact that my Formica-clad counters were falling apart, but really they've been falling apart for years.)

I know it's counterintuitive, but I've found that there's no better way to cope with feeling depleted than to dig deeper into my heart, deeper into my pockets, deeper into whatever hole I find myself in and give more than I think I have left to give.

I'm not talking about going into debt. I'm talking about spending some of my reserves. By investing in others--by investing in hope--I instantly maximize my return. Not of money, of course. (Who knows if I'll ever recoup the cash I've put into this project.) But of joy.

"Come to the Edge"

From French poet Guillaume Apollinaire (1880-1918 ):

"Come to the edge."

"We can't. We're afraid."
"Come to the edge."
"We can't. We will fall!"
"Come to the edge."
And they came.
And he pushed them.

And they flew.

Room For Us All

Whenever I do a “Breaking Into Publishing” event, aspiring authors invariably ask me whether they should worry about sharing their ideas with others before their books are in the marketplace.

I understand the fear behind this question. We’ve been taught that there’s only so much space on bookstore shelves and, worse yet, that there are individuals out there trolling for good ideas, just waiting to steal ours.

Frankly, I don't worry about such things. I truly believe that there's room for us all. If you write well and your words resound with truth (granted, those are big ifs), you will find an audience. Just as no two snowflakes are alike, every book is unique. Each one of us has our own voice, our own take on any given topic.

A case in point: Back in 2000 when I titled my book Defying Gravity, people kept telling me to copyright the name. Sounds like a smart thing to do. The only problem is that book titles can't be copyrighted.

Fast forward eight years. A woman named Carol de Giere contacted me last summer to let me know that after much anguish she'd decided to call her book--a biography of Broadway composer Stephen Schwartz--Defying Gravity as well. Far from being upset that she'd "taken" my title, I was philosophical. I knew that some of the attention she garnered for her work would also call attention to mine. (A number of people have already told me they came across my book while searching for hers.)

Which brings me to the photo of the tire swing I posted a few entries back. As I mentioned at the end of that entry, the person who took that picture is a childhood friend of mine. What I didn't say is that the newspaper running the photo had scheduled someone else to do the shoot. As it turned out, that photographer had taken pictures of Carol for an article on her book the week before. Not imagining that there were two Defying Gravitys, he figured he'd already shot what he needed. When he didn't show up, the newspaper running the piece sent along my former classmate to do the shoot instead. I hadn't seen him in 36 years!

Needless to say, I wouldn't have reconnected with this person had Carol not titled her book the same as mine.


Note: Seated at the table in the above photo are the members of my "Breaking Into Publishing" panel. (Click to enlarge.) From left to right are Denise Marcil, President, Denise Marcil Literary Agency, Inc.; Nina Nelson, author of the young adult novel Bringing the Boy Home (which has just been named by Smithsonian one of its Notable Children's Books for 2008); myself; Lucy Hedrick, a five-time nonfiction author; and Jessica Bram, NPR commentator and author of Happily Ever After Divorce: Notes on a Joyful Journey.

79-Year Old Gets GED

Whoops. I forgot to include a video of the segment that inspired the comment I mentioned in the previous post. Keep in mind that the subject of the piece dropped out of school after seventh grade.



From the CBS Evening News With Katie Couric:

"If you have any doubt you can achieve anything you set your mind to, ask 79-year-old Randy Wilt about his latest achievement. Wilt passed the GED after 6 years of studying. Steve Hartman reports."

Note: If you don't want to watch the video of Hartman's report, click here to read a summary of the segment.

From my journal...

Last night on the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric I heard one of the correspondents comment that we can’t necessarily be anything we want, but we can be more than we are.

That’s how I feel about my writing. I might not be capable of being as strong a storyteller as Ann Patchett, for instance, but if I consistently work at my craft and open my heart to telling as honest a story as I can at this moment in time, I will be a better writer tomorrow than I am today.

The Hero Within

On Tuesday night at the Neighborhood Inaugural Ball, Mariah Carey performed Hero. She wrote it, she told the audience, "for everybody out there with a dream."

Yeah, I know it's a corny song...but hearing her sing it to our new President brought tears to my eyes. While the whole world seems to be pinning its hopes on this one man, Carey's lyrics champion personal responsibility.

Dreams Matter

The inauguration of America's first black President on the heels of Martin Luther King Day attests to the fact that no matter how far our economy sinks, how difficult our lives become, our noblest hopes and dreams will continue--as they always have--to try and steer humanity to a brighter future.

Five years after publishing Defying Gravity, I still stand by these words from my introduction:

Whether we're in the first flowering of adulthood or the autumn of our lives, most of us long to do something that energizes us and fills us with joy. We hope to make a difference, to leave a seed of ourselves behind to germinate in future generations. But all too often, we settle for far less and toil away at jobs that are smaller than our spirits. We tell ourselves that we aren't young enough, educated enough, talented enough or rich enough to do what we really want. Convinced that it's impractical, even childish, to listen to our hearts, we travel so far from our desire that when it speaks to us, we no longer recognize the sound. Worse yet, we stop dreaming altogether. But following the call of our heart is not a luxury reserved for a select few. It is our birthright.

What I neglected to stress back in 2004 was the importance of what Obama characterized yesterday as "a willingness to find meaning in something greater than" ourselves.

At "this moment," Obama went on to say, "— a moment that will define a generation — it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all."

A New Era

Yes, I can.
Yes, you can.
Yes, WE can!

When was the last time you swung on a tire?

Note: The above profile pic was taken by Scott Mullen for an article about me in a local newspaper. I've known Scott since elementary school, but until this shoot, hadn't seen him in 36 yrs. How cool is that?

The Road to Happiness

As I begin working toward my goals for 2009, I'm trying, as always, to stay clear about what's important and what's not in the large scheme of things.

Greg Hicks, a happiness researcher who "studies people and communities that thrive," travels around the world asking people who is the happiest person they know. He then interviews that individual. As he tells NY Times journalist Joan Raymond, “It’s a cliché, but what I’ve learned is the happiest people don’t necessarily have the most stuff."

Hicks goes on to say...

When I was in Vietnam, I asked a villager who was the happiest person around. He directed me to a home for elderly people and told me to ask for a very special woman. I got to the home and met this tiny, fragile person. This woman was brutalized during the Vietnam War and lost all of her family. She suffered countless indignities. Yet she told me she had people who care for her, she had food to eat and a place to sleep. And she could look out of her window and see the birds. She didn’t need anything else.

To read Raymond's full interview with Hicks (“Happiness Has No Itinerary”), click here. To learn more about Hicks' research, go to www.choosetobehappy.com.

Speaking of folks caring for each other, here's a video someone sent me this morning that I just love--a soulful medley of all sorts of people singing Bill Wither's classic "Stand By Me."

No Job? No Prob!

Nicholas Nigro, author of a cheery, new advice book (perhaps too cheery?) titled No Job? No Prob!: How to Pay Your Bills, Feed Your Mind, and Have a Blast When You’re Out of Work (Skyhorse Publishing 2008), offers the following tips for those who suddenly find themselves with time on their hands:

1. Start the day as early as possible--our brains, Nigro argues, tend to be more focused in the morning than in the evening


2. Keep your learning curve perpetually greased--taking classes—either online or in person—might benefit your job search or inspire a future career


3. Cavort with genuinely successful people--not necessarily rich people but people who are good to the core


4. Learn to cook


5. Practice yoga


6. Play smart--exercise your brain: do crosswords, play Scrabble, etc.


7. Contact long-lost friends


8. Become a shutterbug--snap photos everywhere you go


9. Volunteer your time--the more people you know, the greater number of people who will be invested in your job search


10. Try new things all across the board

Great advice for anyone who wants to keep learning and growing, which is the best way I know of to stave off decrepitude.

Note: The above tips were excerpted from the Dec. 26th issue of The Week, which adapted them from Nigro’s book.

"Each of us can make a difference and all of us must try."

Although I'm a bit uncomfortable with the word" must" in this oft-repeated Kennedy family saying, I wholeheartedly agree with the idea that each and every one of us has something valuable to contribute. The trick is figuring out what it is.

The 2009 Purpose Prize

Civic Ventures is accepting nominations for its 2009 Purpose Prize through March 5th. According to the Purpose Prize® website, the Civic Ventures organization provides five awards of $100,000 each to people over 60 who are pursuing encore careers and “taking on society’s biggest challenges.”

Past winners include:

Jock Bradis, who is improving the lives of farmers in 17 countries with his organization, The Fully Belly Project."

Arlene Blum (see above), who is mobilizing scientists, consumers, and industry to limit toxins in household products.

Mark Goldsmith, who is reducing recidivism rates for young men with coaching, education, and job training.

Joseph James, who is ensuring that rural African Americans are included in the “green” economy.

Michele McRae, who is engaging hundreds of volunteers to help thousands of refugees start new lives in North Dakota.

Catalino Tapia, who is organizing gardeners to raise scholarship funds to help Latino students go to college.

For more information about encore careers--and additional inspiration--visit encore.org.

Water for Elephants

On vacation last week, I read Sara Gruen’s New York Times bestselling novel Water for Elephants. I was awed by her brilliance--specifically, how she structured the story and all the research she did prior to setting pen to paper. But most of all, I was delighted by her ninety-something-year-old protagonist and his end-of-life career move. Water for Elephants, in other words, is a great read for late bloomers.

P.S. If like millions of Americans you've already read and loved WFE, you'll be interested to know that Gruen is coming out with a book about apes in 2009.

Happy New Year!

Like Janus, the Roman god of beginnings and endings for whom this month was named, I'm looking both backward and forward this morning, asking myself what I most enjoyed doing last year and what I hope to accomplish in the coming one. Finishing my novel is at the top of my list.

To assist me in keeping focused, I've printed out and tacked to the wall next to my desk two quotes (see above), the first from Marc LeBlanc, a gifted speaker I had the pleasure of hearing last summer at the National Speakers' Convention in NYC, and the second by Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours.

Although I don't agree with all of what Marc in particular says—scores of writers dream of winning the Pulitzer, for instance, but only a handful will do so over the course of a lifetime—I certainly believe that if I write six days a week, as is my plan, I will achieve my goal.

I hope that you, too, have a happy, healthy and productive 2009.

Last Posting of the Year

I've been quite ill, which is why I haven't posted in almost a week. In any event, this is my last posting of the year. I'll be out of the country through the holidays and won't have access to a computer.

Before I go, here are two tidbits I wanted to share. First, a nugget of wisdom from Quincy Jones. On the Charlie Rose show the other night, QJ said that the four words he lives by are love, live, laugh, give. In a nutshell, that's the underlying message of this blog. (I know I'm straddling a perilous line here between triteness and truth.) And second, my friend Polly Simpkins passed along to me this much-viewed YouTube video of Kelly Corrigan, author of the New York Times bestselling book The Middle Place, speaking about inner strength and the healing power of female friendship.

Quote of the Day

". . . [E]verything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." --Psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl, who suffered unspeakable horrors in Nazi death camps, from his 1946 book Man's Search for Meaning

Mary Kuechenmeister

Although I'm not in "blogging mode" today (my husband is out of town this week and I want to take advantage of the quiet in my house to work on my novel), I just had to take a moment to congratulate my friend Mary Kuechenmeister and her daughter Brinker Ferguson on the publication of their first children's book: Sam and the Silver Stones. Mary and I were in high school together, so you can guess how old she is. She and Brinker hope to make the book into a series, teaching children about art in a fun and offbeat way. To read more about this beautifully illustrated book and peek inside, click here.

P.S. The photo above is of Mary, not her daughter.

Personal Reflections: Giving Advice

One of the many paradoxes and, yes, hypocrisies of my life is that I freely dispense advice and yet--at least generally speaking--despise getting it. I don't like people telling me what to do. I like working my way toward my own solutions.

That isn't to say that I don't stand behind the advice I give others. Or that dishing out advice is somehow a bad thing. I love, for instance, the many tips Carolyn Howard Johnson gives on her blog Sharing with Writers. Likewise, I look forward to the writing exercises Mary Carroll Moore posts each week on How To Write, Plan & Develop a Book. Carolyn's advice saves authors enormous time and expense when it comes to marketing their books. She's a pro. Mary is as well.

I, too, am a pro of sorts. I have a tremendous amount of experience and knowledge about late blooming. (So much to share! What fun!) As I think about my situation, however, it's no wonder that I'm uncomfortable telling people what to do. Very few if any value judgments go along with doling out practical advice for promoting a book or addressing one's inner critic. But encouraging others to pay attention to their dreams implies, at least to some degree, that they should be doing so. I don't want to lay that on anyone.

Last February, artist Karen Heffner, host of the cable TV program Ageless, asked me how I manage to walk the line between providing inspiration (which I love to do) and preaching (which I don't). The short answer is that I don't always succeed. Above is a clip of our conversation.

To Everything A Season: Part II

Last night we got our first real snow of the year. (The photo above was taken from my kitchen window at 7 a.m. this morning.) I'm in heaven!

Virgina Madsen's "Stay Young Plan"

"I always look ahead," 47-year old Sideways actress Virigina Madsen says in the November 2008 issue of Health magazine. "I believe when you're 30 you should ask yourself: What kind of 45-year old will I be? What kind of 60-year old? . . . Prepare and good things will come."

Kelly Moore

I always say, "Dream big and follow through."

Take my 50-something friend Kelly Moore. For years Kelly was a sideman for bands and studios, eventually becoming a solo artist. At the same time, he was also performing in nursing homes and prisons, longing not just to make music, but to make a difference. Whenever he saw major athletes or rock stars doing great deeds, he dreamed of following in their footsteps.

In 2002 he released his album Celebrate!, which got some prominent airplay. He subsequently put together an ensemble of classical musicians and started to perform around the Northeast. "We did well," he said to me, "but we were certainly not a household name."

Then one night the phrase "Music For Mankind" literally popped into Kelly's head. He immediately knew he was onto something big.

In 2007 he acted on the idea, creating the Music for Mankind® benefit concert series, the proceeds of which go to the United Nations World Food Programme (WFP) and other international humanitarian organizations for disaster relief. With his new ensemble Emerald Dreams, Kelly has already performed 13 concerts that have helped feed over 31,000 people.

In April 2008, the Friends of the WFP gave Kelly the title of Community Delegate. In July he went to Nicaragua where he traveled with United Nations WFP representatives to remote villages, schools, homes, farms, and medical clinics. From the hours of video and hundreds of photos he took on the trip, he's producing a documentary for Dish Network entitled "Nicaragua - On The Ground." A short trailer is available for viewing at www.musicformankind.net.

After his return from Nicaragua, Kelly went to Washington, DC and met members of Congress, resulting in an incredible wave of support for Music For Mankind®.

Kelly has just finished his latest CD, Silently Hoping, dedicated to the children of Nicaragua. Both the CD and a music video of the title track are due for release on December 18th.

Still dreaming big, still following through, Kelly envisions Music for Mankind® ultimately feeding 800,000+ people a year.

That's what I call making a difference.

Acting As If, Cont.

In response to my last posting, a woman named Liz e-mailed me yesterday to share the following story:

When I was a recent grad of Boston University’s art history department in 1982, there were hundreds of lovely young “art historians” roaming the cultured city of Boston looking for the same gallery job that I was. After 9 months of searching ( being charming was so exhausting), I landed a job in a small gallery where the director was inadequate and the owner had just met the love of her life and was about to become an absentee owner. After only one month of being the gallery assistant she asked me to become her gallery director. There were 50 visual artists in her “stable” and she had a plan to transform the focus from visual arts to high-end, artist-made metalsmithing (read: jewelry). I was simultaneously thrilled and panicked by her offer and vision of me as her gallery director.

She taught me EXACTLY what you suggested in your blog today. I consider her my mentor in many ways because she implored me to act “AS IF” I was in charge. She was a phone call away for consult and guidance and assured me that I had the instinct (if not the experience) TO BE her gallery director. While all of my clients and artists (customers and vendors) were older than I was, I quickly assumed the title and persona of the Director.

Of course, acting “AS IF” is easier when there is support around to guide us through unknown waters. But the self navigation can be even more satisfying. I benefited from both.

Exercise of the Week: Acting As If

Telling someone to fake a feeling sounds slightly disreputable. But as many a famous author, movie mogul or businesswoman will tell you, sometimes to get ahead you've got to pretend you've got more on the ball than you actually do.

When Defying Gravity was no more than a pipe dream, I walked and talked as if I were already a "real" writer. Before I ever put pen to paper, I called up prospective interviewees and said, "I'm writing a book about late bloomers and was wondering if I could take a few hours of your time to hear your story." I never told anyone I was published. That would have been an outright lie. I simply acted as if I were a serious author. Doing so helped me gain the confidence and skills to actually become one.

The "act as if" principle can be applied to all sorts of aspects of your life. In Philip Galanes' Social Q's column that appeared in yesterday's NY Times, a woman wrote in to say that her boyfriend dumped her and that her heart was broken. She wanted to know how she should act when she sees him again. Galanes, in essence, told her to act as if she's already moved on. Here's an excerpt from his reply:

Every morning, set your iPod to the song “So What!” by the pop singer-slash-philosopher known as Pink: “So, so what/I’m still a rock star/I’ve got my rock moves/And I don’t need you.”

The volume should be deafening; you should listen to it at least three times in a row; and ideally, you will sing along — at full throttle — in front of the full-length mirror in your bedroom.

Not only will you feel better, but you will also learn how to behave in front of your boyfriend: You will act "as if" you’re just fine without him, thank you very much. And you will fake this feeling — as if your life depended on it — until the real thing comes along. (P.S.: If you don’t like Pink, feel free to substitute any proud breakup anthem by Alanis Morissette or Marianne Faithfull. And until further notice, please banish all traces of Joni Mitchell from your household!)

Great advice, eh?

Keeping both these stories in mind, this week's exercise (the last until further notice) is to act as if you're already where you want to be.

Thanksgiving Benediction

Lying under the covers yesterday, the house quiet as a church (everyone had gone to a friend's to celebrate while I stayed home combating the flu), I silently expressed gratitude for all the usual things--my loved ones, my health (despite my current setback, the past two or three years have been particularly healthy ones for me), my work and so forth.

Then perhaps because I was alone, I began to reflect on some of the solitary pleasures that regularly buoy my spirit, feeling thankful for those as well.

I thought about how much I love dancing alone in the dark late at night to James Taylor songs when my husband is away on business; or lying on my living room couch on a winter afternoon, warming myself in the sun as I read; or getting my first whiff of spring as the loamy Connecticut soil begins to thaw; or even just watching the clouds roll in before a storm. (The photo above was taken at the beach near my house right before I became ill.) I even thought about how much I love the ticking of the clocks in my house, the way they chime at different moments like a syncopated song.

I hope that you, too, had a lovely Thanksgiving.

Exercise of the Week: Facing Your Demons

I recently took a Westport Writers' Workshop seminar titled "Silencing the Inner Critic." That experience, along with seeing Joyce Carol Oates at a lecture the other night, propelled me to pick up my novel again. I'm back to being carried along by the creative process. (Knock on wood.)

The format of the first part of the class was deceptively simple. Jessica, the teacher, had us brainstorm a long list of things that were blocking us from writing. Then, one by one, she deftly swept away each of our lingering fears and arguments. ("Not good enough, you say? First drafts aren't supposed to be good enough. You're not supposed to be good enough when you begin. Writing is a craft; there are skills to learn.")

Regarding the creative process, Michael Cunningham, author of The Hours, says, "I've come to believe that the inspiration is always there, like an electrical current, and what varies is our access to it. And I've found that the best way to cope with that is with diligence, with a kind of daily determination."

Not exactly so, says Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love. "As for discipline--it's important but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness."

From my experience, both of these authors are right.

Those are my issues, but perhaps not yours. So this week, if you're blocked in any way, do Jessica's exercise on your own. Make a list of all the demons that are coming between you and your most treasured goal. Then writing in a journal, or even just on a piece of paper, pretend that you're your biggest champion--the person who most believes in you and wants you to succeed. From that person's perspective, knock down each one of your roadblocks.

Quote of the Day

I saw this aphorism on a bumper sticker the other day:

"Fearful people do stupid things."

National Day of Listening

I believe in the power of stories.

Since ancient times, we have been transmitting our values, our wisdom, and our experiences through storytelling. Each of us has a story to share. Every one of our lives counts.

So my ears perked up when a woman named Amy from StoryCorps emailed me earlier this week to let me know that StoryCorps is proclaiming November 28th to be the first annual National Day of Listening.

According to its website, StoryCorps is "one of the largest oral history projects of its kind." Through its efforts, more than 40,000 Americans have recorded their stories. Its mission is simple: "To help people honor and celebrate one another's lives through listening."

This holiday season StoryCorps is encouraging us all to ask the people around us--our grandparents, our teachers, our neighbors--about their lives. "By listening to their stories," the StoryCorps folks note, "you will be telling them that they matter and they will never be forgotten. It may be the most meaningful time you spend this year. . . .

"Listening is an act of love."

Click here to find out how to participate.

Don't Forget to Vote for Michele's Pies!

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see my 11/14/08 posting. Click here to vote. (Scroll down the Good Morning America website to see how.)

Exercise of the Week: Reaching Out to Role Models

There's a lot of talk these days about the importance of finding a mentor, a trusted adviser who will reach down and lend you a hand as you climb up the ladder of your dreams. (In Greek mythology, Mentor was the person Odysseus charged with watching over his son Telemachus when he set off to war.) But what do you do if you don't know such a person? How do you locate a mentor? If the prospect of looking for one intimidates you (as I think it would me), you might want to lower the stakes and begin by seeking out role models.

FIRST, think about people in your field you'd like to emulate, or who might be able to help you in some way. If you don't know anyone who fits this description, cast a wider net. Use the Internet to do some research. Sign up for a conference sponsored by a professional organization associated with your field. Attend a lecture. In other words, use all the resources at your disposal to identify individuals who have excelled in your line of work.

THEN, be bold and contact one of them. E-mail is the easiest way to reach out and solicit advice, but you can also call. You should be respectful, of course, of others' time. But most people are flattered to be approached. You'd be surprised how many will gladly help you if you just ask.

FOR EXAMPLE, a couple of weeks ago I spoke at a middle school. Today I received the following e-mail from one of the students:

I have a question. I will start writing something like a short story, and then I'll finish it, look at it, be proud, you know. The whole 9 yards. But then I'll look at the same thing a few days later and go "Wow, this sucks. I really need to rewrite this!" And I do. And I don't know if that's normal, or just my craziness from reading too much Stephen King. Hope to hear from you soon.

Here's my response:

Absolutely normal. I just came back from attending a talk by Joyce Carol Oates. (Google her if you don't know who she is.) She said that she does the same thing. Distance really helps when it comes to writing. And rewriting is more than half the effort of producing something decent. So you're on the right track.

As you can see, there's nothing fancy about this exchange. I was tickled that the boy reached out to me and delighted to reply.

Michele's Pies

Sitting by her grandmother's deathbed a few years ago, Michele Albano vowed to herself that someday she would make her grandmother's pies famous. (Click here to read my 9/10/08 posting about this wonderful late bloomer.)

This week Michele was selected as one of four finalists for Good Morning America's Best Slice of Pie in the Nation contest.

The crew of GMA Weekend came to Michele's bakery on Tuesday and filmed a segment that will be airing this Sunday between 8 and 9 a.m. (You can see photos of the day at www.mofflymedia.com.) "What an AMAZING experience," Michele said in an e-mail. "It's a dream come true!"

After the segment airs, it will be the nation's turn to decide which pie wins. As I said in my original posting, my 85-year old mom, who is an amazing cook and baker in her own right, swears that Michele's pies are the best she's ever tasted. Voting begins this Sunday and ends next Thursday. Go to goodmorningamerica.com to cast your vote. The winner will be announced Sun., Nov. 23rd on GMA.

After years of hard work--a true labor of love--Michele has finally fulfilled her vow.

Sharpening Your Tools

"Whatever tools you need to accomplish your dreams should be finely sharpened before you begin," my friend Rozanne Gates said the other day. How right she is. If you’re getting ready to market a book, for instance, you'll probably want to have a well-designed website up and running long before your book hits the stores. Or if you're launching a business, chances are good that you'll want to set up a great record-keeping system prior to ordering supplies. As any carpenter will tell you, having the right tools for the job is half the battle.

Photo credit: ThisOldHouse.com. (Click here to access the page from which the above picture was taken.)

Brief Hiatus

Just a heads-up that I'll be out of town this weekend and probably won't be blogging again until Tuesday or Wednesday. --pb

Serving Others

In his acceptance speech Tuesday night, Barack Obama spoke of the "enormity of the task that lies ahead" and acknowledged that he alone cannot solve our problems. He called for "a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice."

Nobel laureate Muhammed Yunus has been championing the idea of service for the past 34 years. (For some background on Yunus, see my October 25, 2006 posting: "The Importance of Thinking Small.") Yunus speaks about the soul-depleting effects of spending all of our time and energy trying to make money versus the soul-enhancing effects of using some of that human capital to create social businesses that help others. (Encore career anyone?)

In other words, the things that excite us, that give our lives meaning, are often the very things that end up connecting us to the larger community. A win-win for all.

My Election Day Dream

No matter who wins tonight, I hope that the next four years will be filled with less rancor than the ones of our recent past. Instead of demonizing those who don't believe as we do, I dream that we will turn to one another and, hand in hand, build a brighter future.

Quote of the Day: "The Road to Self-Renewal"

"Meaning is not something you stumble across, like the answer to a riddle or the prize in a treasure hunt. Meaning is something you build into your life. You build it out of your own past, out of your affections and loyalties, out of the experience of humankind as it is passed on to you, out of your own talent and understanding, out of the things you believe in, out of the things and people you love, out of the values for which you are willing to sacrifice something. The ingredients are there. You are the only one who can put them together into that unique pattern that will be your life. Let it be a life that has dignity and meaning for you. If it does, then the particular balance of success or failure is of less account." --John W. Gardner (1912-2002)

As president of the Carnegie Corporation, Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare under President Johnson, founder of Common Cause, and a recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom, John Gardner was a leader in every sense of the word. The above quotation comes from a speech he gave at an executive conference in Kona, Hawaii in April of 1993 titled The Road to Self-Renewal, subsequently published in the March 1994 issue of Stanford alumni magazine.

Thought for the Day

Trust and timing have been as crucial as persistence and hard work in most (if not all) of my creative endeavors.

Supporting Ourselves, cont.

Last February I spoke with Karen Heffner, host of Ageless, a Connecticut TV program celebrating people over 50. In the clip below I describe the workings of my Creative Women's Business Group, which leads to a discussion about the inherent tension between an artist's need for social support on the one hand and solitude on the other.

Late Bloomer Mary Wesley

British novelist Mary Wesley (1912-2002) once quipped, "Sixty should be the time to start something new, not put your feet up."

Following her own advice, she published her first book in her 70s. Over the next 20 years she wrote nine more, eventually selling upward of 3 million copies.

Wesley's success, however, was far from sudden. A classic late bloomer, she spent most of her adult life attempting without success to establish herself as a writer. As journalist Rebecca Seal notes in a review of Wesley's official biography (see cover, above), "It was almost as though she needed to live through her 'wild' life in order to hone the material in her books."

In a wonderful New Yorker article recently mentioned on this blog (Late Bloomers: Why Do We Equate Genius with Precocity?), Malcolm Gladwell asserts that late bloomers tend to be experimental. Quoting University of Chicago economist David Galeson, Gladwell says, “Their goals are imprecise so their procedure is tentative and incremental.”

In other words, Gladwell argues that the Wesleys of the world "bloom late not as a result of some defect in character, or distraction, or lack of ambition, but because the kind of creativity that proceeds through trial and error necessarily takes a long time to come to fruition."

Reassuring words.

Exercise of the Week: Turning Obstacles into Opportunities

When doctors implanted a pacemaker in 79-year old flight attendant Evelyn Gregory's heart a few years back, thereby grounding her forever, I phoned her to see how she was faring. A true people lover, she had told me several times over the years how much she loved her job. It was a calling for her, the fulfillment of a childhood dream. I expected her to feel depressed, or at least deflated, but she was in good spirits. "Don't worry about me, Prill," she said. "I'm the kind of woman who sees obstacles as stepping stones to greater opportunities."

I thought of Evelyn this morning as I was flipping through my Georgetown alumni magazine. In an article titled Out on the Hilltop: LGBTQ Experiences at Georgetown, I came across a profile of a man named Wes Combs who graduated a few years before me. He told the interviewer: "I have dedicated my life to not letting sexual orientation or gender identity be a barrier but instead an opportunity." Today he is the co-owner of a marketing and public relations firm that helps Fortune 500 companies develop and implement strategies to reach the LGBT consumer market.

Keeping Evelyn and Wes in mind this week, here's an exercise you might want to try: Choose an obstacle that is coming between you and your dreams and examine it from all angles. Then ask yourself: "Is there anything I can do to turn the situation to my advantage?"

Note: The obstacle I plan to examine this week is my writer's block. (The blue file box at left contains research for the novel I'm working on; the document on top is the first draft.) I'll let you know what happens.

Quote of the Day

An individual's self-concept is the core of his personality. It affects every aspect of human behavior: the ability to learn, the capacity to grow and change. A strong, positive self-image is the best possible preparation for success in life.

--Psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers

Keep in mind that recent research suggests that the brain has a great deal of neuroplasticity. (Click here to read another blog posting I did on this topic.) If we work at it, in other words, it's possible to form new beliefs about ourselves.

Arthur Krakower Revisited

87-year old late-blooming artist Arthur Krakower e-mailed me the above postcard announcing his newest exhibit. "Show is just going up," he writes. "Gallery has sold 23 paintings so far."

Wild and lovely indeed!

To read a previous posting about how I met Arthur, click here.

Flying Without Fear

I love watching the black-capped chickadees and tufted titmice that regularly flock to my feeder. They feast and fly away, unafraid of falling from the sky. Their tastes are simple. They don't care that month after month I buy the same seed in 50 pound bags. And when they drop some kernels, they don’t hide their little heads in shame. They come right back to my feeder and feast again.

As Allyn Evans recently noted on her blog Happily Ever After Today, we could learn a lot about life from watching birds.

Anne W., author of the blog The Eclectic Writer, adds this:

Watching birds is so meditational! I'm always amazed to watch their social interactions at the bird feeder - which birds are bold and fly right in, which hang back a bit and approach only when the crowds have thinned. If you pay attention, you can eavesdrop on their conversations. Each type of bird speaks its own language, but somehow they manage to communicate with each other over suet and sunflower seeds. I find it absolutely fascinating.

Exercise of the Week: Worry Once and Do It Well

This week's exercise was inspired by an article I read yesterday in the Jobs section of the NY Times. Business writer Phyllis Korki speaks with clinical psychologist Margaret Wehrenberg, author of The Anxious Brain, about how to quell financial anxiety. (Click here to read the full piece.) Wehrenberg's advice to "worry once and do it well" has all sorts of applications to late blooming. Here's a brief snippet of the conversation:

PK: What...can you do to tame anxiety?

MW: If you're going to fret, be systematic about it and get it over with. If you're concerned about your finances, for example, meet with a financial planner and decide what steps to take to protect assets the best you can. If you're worried about losing a job, update your resume and lay all the other initial groundwork for a job search. Then focus on the job you still have; that is something you can control, as opposed to some horrific future scenario that may never occur.... Say to yourself, "Stop. I already worried," then pull yourself back to your work.

So if you're anxious about something this week, at a minimum make a list of practical steps you can take to alleviate the situation. Then, time and energy permitting, start to address them one by one. Easier said than done perhaps, but great advice.

Special Note: Congratulations to Barbara Techel (who frequently comments on this blog). Her book Frankie, the Walk 'N Roll Dog was just named a winner in the Picture Book Non-Fiction softcover category for USA Book News, National Best Book Awards 2008.

Staying Healthy to the End

If you're not in good health, it's difficult to focus on achieving your dreams.

Take my dad. He smoked three packs of unfiltered Camels a day and drank like a fish. Tray upon cardboard tray stacked with empty cans of Shaeffer ("the one beer to have when you're having more than one") piled up in our garage each week for the garbage man to haul away. By the time he was in his 60's, my father's arteries were so clogged and his lungs so weak that he could barely walk a city block without stopping to rest. He died at 71.

My 85-year old mom is the opposite. She walks almost every day, gardens seven months a year, and has eaten well her whole life. Her sense of balance is a little iffy and her hearing is shot, but she's still agile and active.

The other night, someone asked me what I think I'll be doing at age 75. "Gosh, I hope I'll be writing my third or fourth novel," I said.

There are no guarantees I'll still be healthy at that age; but like my mom, I take care of myself. I exercise faithfully, cook by color, eat low on the food chain, and generally avoid unpronounceable ingredients. In other words, I'm trying to increase my odds.

As Jane Brody writes in a recent NY Times Personal Health column I highly recommend titled Living Longer, in Good Health to the End, "[H]ow people live accounts for more than half the difference in how hale and hearty they will remain. . . ."

Note: Although my friend Ann two years ago gave me the skirt I'm wearing above, this week is the first time I've been able to fit into it. I haven't gained or lost any significant weight since I was last pregnant in 1983, but I recently stepped up my home exercise routine to combat the effects of menopause on my waistline. I should knock on wood (health, after all, is influenced in part by genetics), but I feel great.

Oh, and just for fun, here's one of those old Shaefer ads:

An Honest Question

I'm off to another funeral this morning. (I can't believe how many people I know have died this year.) As I lie in bed writing this, here's what I wonder:

If I knew for a fact that all my efforts would never be accounted for, that they would neither be debited nor credited in the Great Ledger of Life--that indeed there is no Great Ledger--would I do anything different than I'm doing today?

From my journal...

I want to manifest my inner extraordinariness. If that sounds grandiose, so be it. Why shouldn't I, why shouldn't we all, desire to be our best selves?

This isn't to say that I want to be my most moral self, or even my kindest self, although I certainly work at being honorable and kind (the phrase "work at" being the operative one). No, what I want is to be my most authentic self. And when it comes to revealing who I am, what could be more extraordinary than that?

For Aspiring Late Bloomers. . .

Two recommendations:

In this month's New Yorker there's a marvelous article titled Late Bloomers: Why Do We Equate Genius with Prococity? Author Malcolm Gladwell refutes the conventional idea that doing something "truly creative" requires "the freshness and exuberance...of youth." Click here to read.

The movie The Visitor is now out on DVD and worth a watch. Written and directed by Tom McCarthy (who also did The Station Agent), the film tells the poignant story of a 62-year old Connecticut economics professor whose dismal life is transformed by a chance encounter with a Syrian musician who teaches him to play the African drum.

Photo Credit: JoJo Whildon/Overture Films.

Exercise of the Week: Counting Blessings

This week, instead of calculating your losses—monetary or otherwise—I invite you to count your blessings. Literally.

Try doing one (or both) of the following:

• List 25 things for which you are grateful.
• Start a gratitude journal.

Sound airy-fairy? Numerous academic studies have documented the benefits of cultivating gratitude in your daily life, not only in terms of psychological well-being but also goal attainment.

Click here to read the findings of one such study: The Research Project on Gratitude and Thankfulness.

"Use" Is Not a Four-Letter Word

My friend Rozanne Gates is not afraid to ask for help. As the Director of Development for the Fairfield Theatre Company and a naturally gifted fund-raiser, Rozanne lives by the credo that we're here to use others and be used in return. "The only way we get to prove who we are and what we're made of," she explains, "is when we're asked to step up to the plate." With every molecule of her being, she believes that she's doing people a favor when she reaches out to them. She's giving them a chance to "strut their stuff."

As someone who has always been timid about asking for help, I'd love to be able to adopt Rosie's attitude.

Realizing Who You Are Not

Photograph by Stephen Savoia (NY Times)

This week's quote is from NY Times Life's Work columnist Lisa Belkin. In an article titled "Palin Talk", Belkin explores how McCain's choice of VP has "put our own work-family choices on the table." The last line in particular is the one that struck me:

There [is] a hunger and a fury in the conversation about Palin that hints at something deeper. . . . Our talking is part of an endless dance in which we move about in order to figure out where we stand. For what else is gossip but a roundabout way to explore social norms? And what landscape is more complicated to navigate than that of modern parenthood, where we often hold many contradictory opinions at once? Want to work but also want to stay home. Hate pacifiers and use them anyway. . . . In the end, I grudgingly admired [Palin's] fortitude and understood that her way was not mine. You often learn who you are by realizing who you are not.

While I'm on the subject of Sarah Palin and, by extension, the upcoming election, let me recommend a website designed to help voters sort out their gut reactions to the candidates from not only the candidates' records but how they claim they'll govern: GlassBooth.org. (Disclosure: My son Ev is a researcher for the site.)

To Everything a Season

Here's a column I wrote last month for the Nat'l Assoc. of Baby Boomer Women that has some relevance to our current financial climate:

Cultivating Resilience

I love all four seasons.

No matter how bleak the winter has been, by April my hydrangeas are budding, the copper beach and pin oaks are leafing out, and the lilies of the valley are once again poking their stems through the earth. Not all my plants make it through the winter. My Connecticut soil is less than ideal, for instance, for growing lavender, and every few seasons I have to replace mine. But each year, most of my garden survives.

We human bloomers, late or otherwise, are a resilient bunch as well. We have to be for the seeds of our dreams to germinate and multiply. The winter of our adversity ultimately strengthens our resolve.

Think of Christopher Reeve, the actor who became a quadriplegic after a riding accident. In the movies, he played Superman, but in real life he became someone much larger: a down-to-earth role model who epitomized the power of persistence and hope. Yes, like my lavender, he eventually succumbed to the elements, but while alive, his blooming was abundant.

Or consider surfer Bethany Hamilton, who was attacked by a shark in 2003 and lost her left arm below the shoulder. No sooner had she recuperated than she was back on her board again, making the best of what she still has. She, too, is a role model for anyone who feels defeated by misfortune.

No athlete wants to lose. No entrepreneur wants her business to fail. No writer enjoys receiving a rejection letter. But many of the people we most admire have experienced repeated setbacks along the way to achieving their long-term goals.

University of Pennsylvania psychology professor Angela Duckworth calls this combination of perseverance and passion “grit.” Grit, she says, is the one characteristic shared by prominent leaders in every field. And guess what? According to Duckworth’s research, older individuals often measure higher in grit than younger ones. Our advancing age, in other words, might actually be an asset when it comes to late blooming.

Six months ago, the dried-up stalks in my flower beds looked as if no life would ever come from them. If I didn’t know better, I would have yanked them from the ground. Now after a summer of glorious blooming, my plants once again are starting to fade. Next spring, the cycle will start anew.

Note: The photo of my fading hydrangeas was taken two weeks ago.

Exercise of the Week: Bringing Your Purpose Into View

This exercise comes from the current issue of AARP magazine:

If you’re struggling to bring your purpose into view, Richard Leider, life coach and author of Something to Live For: Finding Your Way in the Second Half of Life (Barrett-Koehler, 2008), suggests making a list of what you consider your gifts, values, and passions, then identifying your top quality in each category. Together, he says, the three can help reveal your calling—a formula he describes as G+V+P=C.

To read the full article ("Find Purpose, Live Longer") click here.

Who am I?

Last night I dreamed I was sitting at Toni Morrison’s feet. She was reading aloud a chapter from a novel she’d just finished writing about a young girl growing up in a faraway country. I marveled at Morrison's brilliance and wondered how much her evocative imagery was aided by the richness of her cultural roots. (I briefly envied her that.) Then she handed me the book and asked me to read to her. As I recited the words, I kept thinking to myself, "How can anyone write so beautifully? Where does a story like this come from?" I no sooner asked these questions than, still fast asleep, I "woke up" with an epiphany: This wondrous story had come from somewhere inside of me! And then I had another, more electrifying thought: Is it possible that I still don't know, even after all these years, who I am?

Quote of the Day

www.nataliedutoit.com

In 2001, South African swimmer Natalie Du Toit lost her left left at the knee after being struck by a car as she left a training session. Three years later she won five gold medals at the Paralympics in Athens. In May of this year, she qualified for the able-bodied Olympics, ultimately finishing in 16th place in Beijing. The following poem, a paraphrase of a Benjamin E. Mays quote, hangs on her wall:

The tragedy of life does not lie
in not reaching your goals;
The tragedy of life lies in not
having goals to reach for.

My humble goal for tonight is to make dinner from scratch--maybe a garden-vegetable lasagna with some salad and garlic bread.

From My Mailbag

Artwork: Kelly Rae Roberts

Here's a sampling of some of the inspiring notes I've recently received:

66-year old Lorraine Conway, a middle school teacher from Newtown, CT, e-mailed to share the news that she's excited to be starting piano lessons this week. Her interest was piqued after reading an article in her local newspaper about a nearby studio that accepts students of all ages. She took lessons once before, but only for two years when her son was in preschool. (He's now 44!) She's always telling her eighth graders to "go for the gusto" and thought she should do the same.

* * * * * * * * * *

I also exchanged e-mails with late-blooming artist Kelly Rae Roberts. I had read about her on the decorating blog Decor8 and was drawn to her work. She writes: "I didn't discover that I was an artist until I was in my 30s. . . . Once I made that discovery, I completely changed careers." To read her story and see some of her paintings, visit her website: http://kellyraeroberts.com.

Note: The pictures above show different angles of the cover of Kelly Rae's new book: Taking Flight: Inspiration + Techniques to Give Your Creative Spirit Wings, which is currently ranked #665 on Amazon and has a total of 45, 5-star ratings. Sounds like a great read.

* * * * * * * * * *

Another Kelly, Kelly Sonora, e-mailed to let me know that she mentioned my blog in an article she'd just published. If you're divorced and looking for some practical help and inspiration to get back on your feet, I recommend taking a moment to check it out: 50 Divorce Blogs to Find Advice and Comfort in Hard Times.

* * * * * * * * * *

Heather Summerhayes Cariou, author of the bestselling memoir Sixty-Five Roses, which was released in the U.S. in January of '07, sent me this note a while back:

Dear Prill - Perhaps you'll remember that at Skidmore [where she and I attended an International Women's Writing Guild conference together] I was working on a book about my sister and me. It was published in Canada last year and went on to become a bestseller. The Globe and Mail chose it as one of the Best 100 Books of 2006. For more information on the book. . . visit my website at www.sixtyfiverosesthebook.com. . . . By the way, I'd love to see you back at Skidmore, teaching a workshop this time! - Heather

Note: I've read many memoirs, and Heather's Sixtyfive Roses, along with Jeannette Wall's The Glass Castle, are my two favorites. Both have been optioned as movies.

* * * * * * * * *

72-year old Susan Culp wanted to share the news that she's just published her first book: 50 Frogs, 5 Babes and a Bulldog. "I am finally realizing a dream come true!" she writes. The book is a comedy about five late bloomers looking for men. Culp confesses that it's a fictionalized account of her actual dating experiences via the Internet. To add to the fun, the story also features an English bulldog named Winchester.

* * * * * * * * * *

And finally, Barbara Techel, a frequent commenter on this blog, writes:

I bloomed at the age of 41, though really I suppose that's not too late. But for someone who used to be painfully shy, I've made big leaps and bounds in my life. Sharing my story has become my way of giving back in hopes that others can change their lives too. . . . In my heart I wish I could put all the joy I feel in a bottle and give to everyone. But I know that to experience true joy, one must be willing to go get it. . . .

In December 2004 my chocolate lab, Cassie Jo was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. Her diagnoses was a pivotal moment in my life. . . . My love for animals runs deep and it's hard to find the words to express how I feel. The realization that Cassie Jo was going to die soon was like hitting a brick wall for me. . . .

To read the rest of Barbara's inspiring story and to access her blog, go to www.joyfulpaws.com/aboutbarb.

Exercise of the Week: Cultivating Creativity

Living well is a creative act. Imagination fuels our dreams and launches us skyward. It also propels us to help others take flight. So this week I encourage you to step outside your routine and stoke your artistic spirit. Go to a play, a concert, a lecture, a museum--anything or anywhere that exposes you to new ideas and stimulates your senses.

Note: I went to see B.B. King in concert last week, hence the photo above (which I "grabbed" from his website) . At 83 years of age, he's still charming audiences as he belts out the blues.

The Passing of Paul Newman

A fellow Westporter, the legendary Paul Newman, died yesterday. He was a surprisingly humble man who leaves behind a legacy of giving to others--of continually stretching himself as an actor, entrepreneur and citizen of the world. He winked at me once at the Driftwood, a local diner. Along with almost everyone else in the place, he and I were watching a toddler taking what appeared to be her first steps. I looked up and our eyes met, his as blue as ever. That's when he winked, as if to say, "Ain't life grand?"

Quote of the Week

I live in a Connecticut town populated by artists, writers and Wall Street traders. Some of my neighbors have lost not only their jobs but their entire life savings. (I know, it's hard to feel sorry for a group of people who earned more in bonuses over the past few years than the rest of us combined will earn in a lifetime, especially when their collective irresponsibility and greed have hurt us all. But still. . . .) The NY Times ran an article yesterday examining how some of these folks are coping with the crisis. A 51-year old former Bear worker named Andy Neff had this to say:

Is this comfortable? No, it's really not comfortable, it's disorienting. But I find it unfortunate that people tend to focus on how much they lost. Coming out of every situation, you need to focus on what you have, not on what you lost.

Marshall Goldsmith

At the National Speakers Convention in August, I had the good fortune to hear leadership guru Marshall Goldsmith give a keynote speech. He's the best speaker bar none I've ever seen in action. "I'm a Buddhist," he told the crowd. "I'm gonna die anyway. I might as well do some good here." What makes Goldsmith so great? He exudes what a dear friend of mine once described as The Four H's of Public Speaking: humanity, humility, honesty and humor. Goldsmith encouraged us to freely share his materials. Taking him at his word, I offer you some notes I scribbled down as he was talking:

Annoying Habits That Hold Us Back

• Winning too much: There's no need to one-up people to demonstrate your worth.

• Adding too much value: Just listen to others' thoughts and say, "Great idea!" Don't detract from their moment in the sun by adding, "But did you think of...."

• Saying "I already knew that."

• Passing judgment. Help more; judge less. Don't be a critic. Shut up and enjoy.

Note: I found Goldsmith's photo on his website.

Exercise of the Week: Opening Up to Possibility

Here's an exercise I've been doing for years that's made a tremendous difference in my life: Whenever an idea pops into my head that causes my heart to soar, or someone--even a stranger--suggests I try something different, I take a deep breath before dismissing the thought.

Then I ask myself: Why not? What do I have to lose?

Sometimes I find there's a legitimate reason not to pursue the idea. But more often than not, these questions launch me on new learning adventures and lead me into deeper joy.

Laughing at Ourselves, cont.

If you know you shouldn't take life so seriously, but aren't sure how to lighten up, watch this 1 min. 32 sec. video of my hard-of-hearing, 85-year old mom talking about how she learned to laugh at herself. (I've written a lot about this in previous postings.) In this grim economy, laughter is a great skill to cultivate.

Age is Just a Number, cont.

Speaking of late-blooming writers, I wish you could meet Velma, a vibrant 89-year old woman who came up to me after a speech I gave last night at an event sponsored by the American Assoc. of University Women. She looked me square in the eye and said with great spirit, "You've inspired me to go home and finish writing my book!" What I don't think she realized is that she inspired me as well.

Carol Sue Gershman: Late-Blooming Writer

I just spent 16 delightful hours with Carol Sue Gershman, a 72-year old Miami-based writer who recently published her first book: The Jewish Lady, The Black Man, & The Road Trip.

As you probably already realize, Carol Sue is not your average septuagenarian. (Her head shot is an accurate likeness.) She's in amazing shape--notice that I didn't add "for her age"--and fearless when it comes to reaching out to others.

She called me out of the blue a few months ago to ask my advice on how to promote her book. Then she joined Facebook, immediately becoming my oldest Facebook "friend." A few days ago she messaged me again to tell me that she was going to be visiting NYC this week and would like to get together. I suggested she come to Connecticut and spend the night.

After I picked her up at the train station, we shared a wonderful meal at a local restaurant. Then we came back to my house and got down to business. Eager to learn anything I could teach her, she took copious notes as I showed her a few tricks to jazz up her blog and increase traffic.

You know the old saying, "Age is just a number"? In this case, the phrase rings true.

Exercise of the Week: Practicing Silence

When my husband was in college in the early '70s, he spent an entire semester not speaking except during class. Practicing silence, he tells me, not only heightened his senses but upped the volume of his inner voice. It also made him aware of how much people talk and how little they say.

Today we talk more than ever. We walk around with little plastic boxes held to our ears, jabbering into space, oblivious to the people and beauty all around us. Precious moments of time that we might have once spent in thought, or reverie--driving to work, walking down the street, even waiting in line at the grocery store--are sucked up in a vortex of ever-growing obligation to be in constant contact with others. The only person it seems we're not in touch with is ourselves.

So this week, I challenge you to try one of the following:

• Take a walk in pure silence.
  
• Meditate for ten minutes.
• Drive home from work in silence--no cell phone, no radio, no talking.
  
• Practice silence for a day, speaking only when absolutely essential.
  
• At a minimum, leave your mobile device at home, or at least turned off and tucked away, one time this week when you're out with friends or family.

Then write down your observations and reflections.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Maurice Sendak's Dream

Photo Credit: Joyce Dopkeen/The New York Times

Maurice Sendak was quoted in The NY Times last week as saying that he still yearns to do something purely for himself that would create in others a passion as great as Blake and Keats did in him. (To read the article--"Concerns That Range Well Beyond Where the Wild Things Are"--click here.)

Sendak, now 80, has garnered many awards for his writing and illustrations. (He won the 1996 National Medal of Arts for his accomplishments.) But while he's grateful for all the honors he's received, he views them as "rubber bullets." They "never penetrated," he said. Awards just aren't "up to the task of answering pressing questions about meaning, soul-touching greatness and durability."

I, too, aspire to be like Sendak's heroes—Mozart, Keats, Blake, Melville and Dickinson—individuals who had the “ability to be private, the ability to be alone, the ability to follow some spiritual course not written down by anybody.”

In our heart of hearts, don't we all?

Quote for the Day

“How do you know if a person needs encouragement?

If he or she is breathing.”

-- Truett Cathy, founder of Chick-fil-A


Note: My mom painted the gloxinia pictured at the top of this posting.

Michele Albano

Like Jenna in the movie Waitress, Michele Albano has turned her childhood passion for pie making into a thriving business.

This morning, this warm-hearted and determined woman spoke to an overflowing crowd at an organization I run called the Passion Project. (In a later posting, I'll tell you more about this group.) Her whole life she's been making pies, but she never thought seriously about pie making as a career until she saw a show on the Food Network about America's top 10 pie companies and said to herself, "I can do this!"

Dissatisfied with her real estate job, she eagerly began to research the business. Her plan was to start selling her pies--chocolate pecan bourbon, apple cranberry crumb, you name it--at farmers markets. But right away, she hit a snag. To sell food in Connecticut, one has to be licensed; and with no access to a commercial kitchen, she couldn't move forward.

Her solution? To go to Vermont, a state that has fewer health regulations than Connecticut, and begin her pie-making business there.

Working out of her tiny Killington ski condo, filling every available surface with pies, she baked five days a week, shuttling back and forth between Vermont and Connecticut, selling both pies and houses.

Then she started entering her pies in contests, winning first place in several. (My mom swears that Michele's blueberry-peach is the best pie she's ever tasted.)

Just before Christmas last year she opened Michele's Pies in Norwalk, CT. The line was out the door. She's already outgrowing the space.

Back in 2006, sitting at her grandmother's deathbed, Michele made a vow to herself that someday she would make her grandmother's pies famous. A few months ago, not long after her store opened, five of her pies won blue ribbons at the 2008 National Pie Championship.

As she was winding up her talk this morning, Michele told the group that she's been lucky every step of the way. I piped up and reminded her that she's had enormous obstacles to overcome. "It's not all luck," I said. "Most people would have given up when they couldn't get licensed, or collapsed from exhaustion as they juggled two careers."

Michele acknowledged that perhaps I was right. "I love what I do," she said with a big smile. "That's my secret."

The Brothers Tatum

Did you know that even in our 90s we can reap tremendous benefits from strength and resistance training? That's what researcher Maria Fiatarone Singh concludes in a groundbreaking study of male nursing home residents that was published by the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA).

Simply by exercising on leg machines three times a week for 15 minutes each, the participants' average leg strength increased by more than 174 percent. Two of the men who had walked with canes no longer needed them. “The muscles of older people," Singh says, "are just as responsive to weight lifting as younger people's."

Two champion swimmers, Brad and John Tatum, are living proof that age is just a number. Both are preparing for next year’s National Senior Games in San Francisco. John, 89, won silver medals in the 50- and 100-yard freestyle events in 2005. He hopes to medal in three events this time. His younger brother Brad, 87, medaled in five events that same year and broke several Senior Olympics records for his age group.

They have more competition than you might think.


Credits: The photo is from the Idaho Senior Games website. To read the Washington Post piece from which the above information was extracted, click here. You can also Google “M. A. F. Singh” to find some of the other interesting studies she's done on aging.

Exercise of the Week: Imagining Your Legacy

This exercise answers the question: "How do I want to be remembered?" When I was teaching, I assigned it in tandem with my "Imagine You're Ninety" exercise. (See my 8/18/08 posting.) In essence, you're writing your epitaph. Sound morbid? Just try it. I think you'll find it an enlivening challenge.

Instructions:

• Once again, imagine that you're 90, taking your last breath.
• What would you hope to have inscribed on your tombstone?

Here are some examples my students came up with:

• Honesty - Integrity - Humanity
• A Teacher to the End
• Pioneering Scientist & Physician
• A Friend to Nature & All Living Things
• Loving Husband - Caring Father - Loyal Friend

What's the objective? Whatever you set out to accomplish in life, you don't want to lose your humanity in the process. This exercise helps you keep focused on what's most important to you.

Note: Pictured above is my dad's tombstone.

Speaking of Laughter...

Maybe my mom isn't alone among people her age. (See previous posting.) While getting a pedicure yesterday, I came across this tidbit in the October 2008 issue of Shape:

After studying more than 30 years' worth of data, sociologists at the University of Chicago concluded that Americans grow more joyful over time. The longer we live and the more experiences we have, the easier it is to find common ground with others, they say. As a result, we feel more fulfilled by our relationships, which contribute to our sense of well-being. How to get the same effect now? Write down one thing you learned today in a journal before you go to sleep. Think about how it might help you understand someone else better. . . .

Lightening Up: Part II

My 85-year old mother has learned an even simpler method than Julia Cameron's for lightening up. (See my 9/1/08 posting.) Whenever she does something stupid--or that she at least perceives to be so--instead of berating herself, she just laughs. Not a little tee-hee, mind you, but a big, exaggerated, hearty laugh that prompts everyone around her to giggle as well. It's not always easy to do, and sometimes she forgets, but to the delight of those who love her, she's literally made a habit of laughing at her mistakes.

Late Boomer John Federoff

Below are excerpts from an inspiring article I came across yesterday (9/3/08) in The Electric New Paper, Singapore. Click here to read the story in its entirety.

Late Bloomer Goes From Being Cabby to Multi-Millionaire Boss

By Karen Wong

FROM driving a taxi to running a multi-million dollar company. Mr John Federoff might just be the perfect definition of a late-bloomer, having gone back to complete his studies when he was 39.

Six years later, when he was 45, the father of three graduated with two degrees and a Master of Business Administration.

Now at 60, when most people may be making retirement plans, Mr Federoff considers himself at the peak of his career. He is expanding his mining equipment business, making plans to hire more people and seeking new clients and new markets. . . .

Looking back, Mr Federoff said, the most frustrating part of his life was being in a 'rut'. His family was poor and he was caught in the vicious cycle, he said.

'I had to make a concerted effort to break the hold. I did it for my children, or the cycle will never end. . . . '

Of his achievements, Mr Federoff, who revealed that he has assets worth over US$5 million, said: 'A person's future depends on his mindset. Determination, hard work, sacrifice and a positive attitude can raise most people above their circumstances.'

Photo Credit: ABC News/Gary Rivett

Rilke's Wisdom

Cartoon by Austin Kleon (see end of posting for details)

Yesterday afternoon I had the sweet luxury of sitting on my porch, re-reading the beginning of Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet. Rilke was only twenty-seven at the time he penned these letters to a nineteen-year-old military school student who had written him asking for advice about becoming a writer. The following passage particularly resonated with me:

You are looking outside, and that is what you should most avoid right now. No one can advise or help you - no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart. . . . (Letter One, 2/07/1903)

Sometimes it's important to bounce our ideas off others. (I do this with the women in my Creative Women's Business Group--see my 11/24/06 posting.) The key phrase in the above passage is "right now." When all is said and done, we are the ones who live with our choices.

Note: I came across Austin Kleon's wonderful cartoons when I Googled "Rilke." Kleon's bio describes him as "a writer and cartoonist" whose "Newspaper Blackout Poems have been featured on NPR’s Morning Edition, in Toronto’s National Post, and all over the web." Visit him online at: www.austinkleon.com.

Exercise of the Week: Rediscovering Delight

Let's face it: Most of us take ourselves waaaay too seriously. (Will your world really fall apart if you don't accomplish everything on your "to-do" list?) Plus, when you're not enjoying your life, chances are that you're harming your health and adversely affecting, in ways little and large, everyone around you.

To help lighten up, here's another exercise from Julia Cameron. As with most of her "assignments," it's best to do this one fast and furiously to allow submerged thoughts and memories to bubble to the surface.

Instructions

1. Remember yourself at eight.
2. What did you do at that age that you enjoyed? What were your favorite things?
3. Now, write a letter from you at that age to you at your current age. What would you tell yourself?

I did this exercise in 2001 and scribbled the following:

Dear 47-year old Prill,

Enjoy yourself more, sweetie. Get a toy box and throw things in it. Read a fairy book. Sing under a bridge. Win a race. Ride a bike. Eat a raspberry sherbet cone. Rent a funky house with a porch and a hillside. Pretend you're a milkman. Notice the walking stick on the sidewalk and be delighted by it. Dress up in a crazy costume. Jump on the bed once in a while. Drink lemonade through a curly straw. Celebrate your birthday with a pink cake. Play, dream, then play some more.

Love,
8-year old Prill

While I haven't pretended to be a milkman yet (and probably never will), I have taken much of this advice. I sang under a bridge and signed up for singing lessons, started spending summers at a house with a porch on a hillside overlooking a river, began being more observant on my walks, dressed up more than once in a crazy costume, and even jumped on my bed.

Note: The above photo was taken when I was six, not eight.

Photo Credit: AP/Joel Page: Robert Indiana's new pop icon.

Although I have strong feelings about politics, I generally keep my thoughts to myself. For the past sixteen years I've preferred to steer clear of the nastiness. Plus, I haven't wanted to distract anyone from listening to my message about embracing possibility. But what an exciting Presidential race. (I'm as eager to watch the Republicans next week as I was to watch the Democrats.) As America's first biracial nominee, Barack Obama's candidacy exemplifies the theme of this blog: Think it's too late to make a change? Think again!

With a Little Help From Our Friends

Six of my friends have died in recent years, all seemingly robust until suddenly they weren’t. As I watched their families deal with incomprehensible loss, I saw first-hand the importance of multigenerational friendships and the value of strong family ties.

One of the best ways to cope with the uncertainties of growing old, researchers say, is to strengthen our connections with others. The two-and-a-half minute video below was taken on my mom's 85th birthday. Four generations of my family, all living nearby, came together at my place to celebrate. I don't expect that you'll want to watch this; I'm just excited that I was able to upload it from my my camera phone without technical assistance!

Striving for Excellence

A friend sent me this quote from management guru Tom Peters--a fitting epilogue to the Beijing Olympics:

"Excellence can be obtained if you:
care more than others think is wise;
risk more than others think is safe;
dream more than others think is practical;
expect more than others think is possible."

(Photo Credit: Peter Read Miller/SI)

Exercise of the Week: Excavating the Past

I recently asked my mom if she remembered when her love of drawing began. (The pastel pictured above is hers.)

"It was the day I started kindergarten," she said with laughing eyes. "On an upside-down table on the floor, its legs sticking up, were all these pieces of colored paper and a gazillion crayons. I just couldn't wait to get my hands on them."

My mom's response reminded me of this week's exercise, which Julia Cameron, author of The Artist's Way, taught me several years ago at a Learning Annex workshop. The instructions are simple; the results, potentially life-changing.

Instructions

1. List 5 absorbing activities you did as a child.
2. Circle any that you are no longer doing.
3. For any item you've circled, ask yourself, "Is there some way I could incorporate this activity back into my life?"

Nothing Happens Unless First a Dream

Three Saturdays this August a stretch of New York City's Park Avenue was closed off to cars and trucks.

As a little girl, looking north from a window on the 14th Floor of 230 Park, the spire-topped jewel where my father's engineering firm was located (in the photo above, it's the building directly in front of the MetLife Building), I never imagined that someday children would be able to ride their bikes in the street below.

But obviously someone did.

Photo Credit: Andrea Mohin/The New York Times. To read the accompanying article ("Hitting the Asphalt for a Final Car-Free Saturday"), click here.

New Blog Feature: My Favorite Reads for Navigating Life Transitions

I’ve added a new feature to my sidebar, a Shelfari widget that allows me to spotlight books that visitors to this blog might enjoy. This month I’ve put on the shelf Rosamund and Benjamin Zander’s The Art of Possibility.

One of the most electrifying and insightful self-help books I've ever read, The Art of Possibility interweaves personal anecdotes, uplifting stories, and practical strategies for transforming professional and personal life. The photo at left gives you a hint of the Zanders' joyful energy and extraordinary partnership. In their Coda (as the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic, Benjamin naturally uses musical terminology throughout the book), the two underscore their theme:

You may have come to this book looking for solutions to some very real problems, or you may have opened it as an idle traveler passing through. Before long you must have realized that the book had no intention of solving your problems, or even of letting you browse. It was interested in providing you with tools for your transformation.

From what to what? From a person who meets the challenges life serves up, to one who designs the stage on which her life plays out; from a single note to a long line, from partial to full expression, from the I to the WE.

Note: I previously mentioned this book in my March 19, 2007 posting: Finding Purpose: The Five P's.